We Will Never Speak of This Post Again

by Marinka on September 2, 2012

I can’t really tell you what happened, because it’s way too painful, but  in flashback form- toilet clogged, water rising, then water receding and lots of tissues in toilet, Marinka puts hand in to pluck tissues out and save the day but omg, hand touches something that is not tissue.

This is all I have at this time.

Also,  I’m sorry about the imminent shortage of hand sanitizer on the continental United States, but under the circumstances I’m sure you’ll understand and also if anyone has a Groupon for a limb amputation, kindly pass it along.

I’ll be back as soon as I stop gagging.

* * *

I’m back, but still gagging.

Here are some acceptable comments to leave:

I’m so sorry!

OMG, you’re like a heroine! A modern day Joan of Arc!

One day, you’ll think back on this and laugh!

Your hair looks absolutely fantastic!

 

Here are examples of comments that it is not ok to leave:

EWWW! So gross!

What kind of a moron sticks her hand in the toilet?

Whose..was it?

Thank you for your attention to this matter. Have a nice day. Which, by the way,  is a lot easier to do on days that you don’t accidentally touch excrement.

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{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }

anna see September 2, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Can’t believe I’m the first commentor! Ok, I’ll just say I’m sorry!

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Whatchamacallit Mommy September 2, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Um…well I was going to go with “Whose was it?” but since that is outlawed, we’ll go with “Your hair is fabulous!” and up the ante with “Have you lost weight, Marinka?”

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Marie September 2, 2012 at 10:29 pm

My contribution (following the rules):

OMG, you’re like a heroine! A modern day Joan of Arc!

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Jonathan September 2, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Your hair looks fantastic!

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Tifany September 2, 2012 at 10:47 pm

My sweet puppy ate cat poop and then vomited it across my chest several hours later. I feel your pain.

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Christina September 2, 2012 at 11:33 pm

I’m starting a “get Marinka a plunger fund” Donations gratefully accepted. You’re welcome.

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Cy
Twitter:
September 2, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Iiiick..er, I mean…I’m so sorry!

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Heather September 2, 2012 at 11:52 pm

My kids are younger than yours and I want to thank you for reminding me that the day will come when touching someone else’s excrement will be cause for panic and not just accepted as part of the job.

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suburbancorrespondent
Twitter:
September 3, 2012 at 12:11 am

Total empathy here – I’m having PTSD-induced flashbacks to my toilet paper spindle incident. Word of advice, fellow moms – do NOT attempt to instruct your child on the fine art of changing the toilet paper roll whilst said child is sitting on a poop-filled potty.

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tracy@sellabitmum
Twitter:
September 3, 2012 at 8:35 am

Truly – I’ve never seen such awesome hair. xo

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Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes September 3, 2012 at 8:46 am

Joan of Arc was nothing compared to you!

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Kate Coveny Hood
Twitter:
September 3, 2012 at 8:59 am

I’m so sorry you had to experience something so horrible…but I truly think you will be a stronger woman for it. Your family is very lucky to have you – make sure to remind them of that.

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dusty earth mother September 3, 2012 at 9:32 am

March on, Mighty Crap Warrior!!!

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Anna Lefler
Twitter:
September 3, 2012 at 9:41 am

And that right there is why Jesus invented BBQ tongs.

Now go lie down, but don’t mess up your hair, which looks fabulous, btw.

XOXO

A.

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Ry Sal September 3, 2012 at 10:46 am

This just happened to me over the weekend when the 5 year old put the entire roll down the lou. And now I’m going through the gagging motions all over again. Ours resulted in my wearing plastic gloves for the rest of the day to save others from contamination.

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mexmom September 3, 2012 at 10:47 am

One day, you’ll think back on this and laugh; or at least not gag!

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anymommy September 3, 2012 at 11:29 am

Tragic. I’m here for you. Try to keep that hand isolated for at least four days.

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Karen September 3, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Hypothetically, I know “someone” who did the same thing recently and I’m scarred for life with the memory but I had to do what I had to do and I totally panicked and just wanted it over! Hypothetically.

Your hair looks fantastic.

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
September 3, 2012 at 2:33 pm

The only time it’s acceptable to stick your hand in a toilet is when your phone is in there. Word.

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ColdBlooded
Twitter:
September 3, 2012 at 2:43 pm

I second the creation of a plunger fund. And I’m not sure you will ever look back on this and laugh.

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deborah l quinn
Twitter:
September 3, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Your story will be include in “Xtreme Mothering Adventures,” swear to god. With a photo of you and your most excellent hair & cheekbones. Angelina will be playing you in the movie; Johnny Lee Miller the part of that-which-will-not-be-named.

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Lil
Twitter:
September 3, 2012 at 4:39 pm

That’s what The Hubs is for!! When he’s not around…. bbq tongs! BBQ TONGS, GIRL!

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Charlotte September 3, 2012 at 5:41 pm

I’m just now reading a book about Family Court in the Bronx in the1970′s, and the same thing happened there! Only it flooded a lake of nasty through two detention rooms, first the boys’, then the girls’. Didn’t get cleaned up for FIVE DAYS. So . . . it could be worse! And did I mention that you hair is flawless and bouncy and your skin radiant?

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Peajaye
Twitter:
September 3, 2012 at 6:12 pm

I’m guessing you’ve never had to change an adult diaper yet. But Mama & Papa can’t be that far off from this, can they? So, something to look forward to! Yay!

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Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him
Twitter:
September 3, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Did you join a fraternity since I was last here??

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Alexandra September 4, 2012 at 12:21 am

Marinka, Marinka:

All this time, I thought of you as so very smart, intelligent, on the ball, QUICK and NIMBLE minded.

How could you not know? HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW WHAT LURKED under that wad of TP??

oh my gosh, vomiting, gagging, vomiting and gagging.

At least two or three times.

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cocobean September 4, 2012 at 9:00 am

just saying had a situation not to your extent in my past… you will recover with time… and FYI – that is something that can NEVER EVER be repaid – you can get your way by alluding to the toilet incident for the rest of time. You will never need to worry about being put into a nursing home – take hope.

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deb September 4, 2012 at 10:01 am

Joan of Arc, if you tell me where to send the check, i’m in for the plunger fund. Never more will you have to martyr yourself by going into battle unarmed. and i have to ask – WHAT is everyone doing with BBQ tongs? Never have i seen a pair of those hanging on the wall next to a toilet, ready for quick…extraction? Dear god, i hope they don’t make their way back out to the BBQ! :)

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Megan September 4, 2012 at 10:41 am

Who does your hair? It’s fab-u-lous!

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headspot September 4, 2012 at 11:46 am

I so totally needed something like this today! Thank you; and you have my deepest sympathies!
But you cracked me up!

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joeinvegas September 4, 2012 at 1:35 pm

OMG – you are like my hero now – wow, I didn’t know that you were a capable New York style plumber!

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kimberly September 4, 2012 at 10:39 pm

If it were me, it would have had to overflow.

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Steph September 6, 2012 at 10:19 pm

You are the most helpful blogger ever! You should write a book called “Commenting for Dummiies” cause I need it:) p.s. so sorry about the excrement-touching. anyway, you look fabulous!

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Loukia September 7, 2012 at 12:04 pm

To make you feel better:

I fished out a LEGO Batman from a toilet filled with poo the other day. My son was FREAKING OUT so I HAD TO. What we DO for our children!

I washed my hands, and Batman, for one hour straight. With VIM, Lysol, soap, shampoo, and everything else you can imagine. I almost put my hands in the microwave, too, because I hear that kills bacteria.

Anyway… I feel your pain. I’ve lost two layers of skin, too, since ‘the incident.’

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