Why Not

by Marinka on September 24, 2012

I know I haven’t been blogging as much lately, but that’s because I’ve been really busy. Nothing earth shattering, it’s just that I decided to become an Olympic swimmer. (Wait is it Olympic swimmer or OlympicS swimmer? Does it matter if I’m planning on swimming in more than one Olympics? Do I have to commit now? HOW DO PEOPLE TRAIN WITH ALL THIS STRESS?)

Anyway, so I decided to become a competitive swimmer because, why not?  Why not, incidentally, is a phrase that I learned from Young Ladrinka. For example the other day I lovingly reminded him that it was past his bedtime and he said “how about I watch the Giants beat the Panthers instead of going to bed?” and I said “why would you watch the Giants now?” and he said “why not watch the Giants now?” and it was oddly compelling. Not so compelling that I didn’t tell him to turn the TV off and get to bed, of course, I’m not a complete idiot, but I did like how the why not? seemed to open up the possibilities.

And I have to say the whole Olympics idea came at a great time, too. Because you may have noticed that the Olympics just ended, so I’m obviously training for the Olympics of the future, since I can’t be expected to tackle time travel in addition to my intense training schedule.  And this new training for the Olympics kills another very important bird. Know how everyone is always “exercise is important!” and “obesity is dangerous!” and “sedentary lifestyle is bad!” ?  Well, once people find out that you’re training for the Olympics, they tend to shut the fuck up.  Because obviously an Olympic athlete is exercising. Every idiot knows that.

Shortly after I decided on this new life plan, I presented myself at the local Y, wanting to use their pool. Imagine my surprise when I learned that I was no longer a member. It seems that Husbandrinka realized that I wasn’t using the facilities and canceled my membership.  Three years ago. Obviously we are going to be working through this breach of trust, but I was actually ok with being turned away that day at the Y because it turns out that I didn’t bring my bathing suit. I’m sorry, are Olympic trainees supposed to remember their own swimsuits? I am an athlete, not a contestant on Test Your Memory!

A few weeks later, after I reinstated my Y membership and bought a bathing suit and rested from each endeavor, I went back to the Y.  “I’m off to train!” I told Husbandrinka, who sort of rolled his eyes.  There’s a lot of tension at home because Husbandrinka has been swimming for an hour almost every day for the past thirty  years, but never once has it occurred to him to train Olympically, so now he’s obviously really jealous.

I don’t want to get too technical about my training routine, but let me just say that I didn’t think I should push myself too hard, or at all, on the first session. I mean, how ridiculous would it be if I broke the world record with no cameras rolling and just some shrew sniping at my heels to ask if I was moving or just floating on my back?

“You’re back already?” Husbandrinka asked when I came back. He was sitting in the exact same spot, reading the exact same article as when I’d left. In his defense, though, and perhaps mine, it was a New Yorker article so those tend to go on a bit.

“Yes, yes I am,” I said. I wasn’t shocked that he was impressed by my speed.

“How many laps did you swim?” he asked, probably in a jealous rage over my sure-to-come corporate sponsorships.

“I don’t know, 5?”


“Impressive, right?


“Yes, well, wait- is a lap there and back or just one length?”

“Just one length.”

“Oh. Then it’s 10.”

He shook his head.

I don’t blame him for being speechless.

I’ll keep you posted on my progress!



One year ago ...

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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

The mama bird diaries
September 24, 2012 at 12:33 am

You and Ryan Lochte should totally train together.


Taryn September 24, 2012 at 12:35 am

Crap, it’s going to be embarrassing when I beat you at The Olympics in 2016 or 2020 or whatevs.


christy September 24, 2012 at 6:41 am

Love it. You’ll be up to 12 or 14 in no time at all. 🙂


Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes September 24, 2012 at 7:24 am

You should get husbandrinka to excercise with you! Think about it: you could be the first married-gold medal winners on the 100m. backstroke!


Olga September 24, 2012 at 9:56 am

You know, I had a similar experience in March of this year when I declared that I am training to run a marathon (carrying, at the time, 20lbs of left over baby weight from the baby who is turning 3 this year! and not knowing the way to my gym, which happened to be conveniently located in my building). Everyone laughed (not to my face, obviously). Now it’s September and I’ve been able to run 5 miles without too much difficulty. So I might not ever get to a marathon (or I might!) but I am certainly training for it -;)


September 24, 2012 at 10:24 am

Let me know if you need help negotiating all of your sponsorship deals.


September 24, 2012 at 11:28 am

Awww… I love swimming, well… more like, not drowning. Also, perk of having gotten fat… less chances of drowning. Floating on my back at Grandma’s retirement complex under a starry So Cal desert sky is my favorite.


dusty earth mother September 24, 2012 at 11:47 am

You are going to look so fab on that cereal box. Jealous.


One Funny Motha September 24, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Good luck with the training. Sounds like you’re off to a fantastic start.


September 24, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Wait, will they still let girls swim in the Olympics in 2016? You better vote for Obama to keep this dream alive.


September 24, 2012 at 5:23 pm

This is hilarious. In a “I’m 100% supporting your dreams” sort of way.


September 24, 2012 at 8:52 pm

It’s so great to know a fellow Olympian-in-training personally. I am training for the winter Olympics. Figure skating. Perhaps you could help me find a Russian coach, with your vast connections amongst countrymen, and I could introduce you to the Michael Phelps coaching staff, with my vast connections at that Michigan university down the road from my house? We would make perfect training partners, I think. Where “training partner” = someone to eat self-congratulatory muffins with after working out.


Kate F. @katefineske September 24, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Ohh…. I could only WISH for your stamina. 🙂 I’ve been silently reading you for a while know, but HAD to comment on this. Personally, the fact that you swim 5, wait NO 10 laps beats my olypic training anyday. (I’ve decided to train mentally first – prepairing my mind – waiting to get in the pool until my toddler decides to give me time to both “train” and take a shower afterwards. Smart? Don’t you think?)


Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him
September 24, 2012 at 10:56 pm

I imagine the YMCA is the source of many breaches of trust. If those elliptical machines ever start sharing the information I entrust them with…oh man.


September 25, 2012 at 9:00 am

I had to give up my Olympic swimming dreams once I discovered that I couldn’t compete in my padded-boobs-mom-skirt bathing suit. Bring home the gold for the rest of us!


Roshni September 26, 2012 at 1:23 am

Could you please send over your autograph! I’ll be ready to sell it on Ebay after 2016 or 20….whenever you plan to compete!!


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