A few weeks ago something odd happened. I blame Twitter.
Someone that I follow on Twitter retweeted Kathy Ireland. Quoting Anne Frank. For those of you still communicating via cave etchings, “retweeting” is basically copying and pasting something that the original person tweeted and attributing it to them. In this case, the original person is @KathyIreland, the Sports Illustrated supermodel. @KathyIreland was quoting Anne Frank.
If by now you’re thinking that David Letterman was right in that if you have to explain a joke, it’s not a good one, you’re totally wrong because I am not telling a joke. I am relating something that happened. Like a documentary.
The Twitter message struck me as strange. I mean, it’s weird enough to have ’80s icons mingling on Twitter with the great unwashed, but throw Anne Frank into the mix and it takes it up a notch.
So I tweeted:
And Kathy Ireland responded:
Uh-oh.
I called John for back up.
“Is she the one that I like?” he asked.
“Which one do you like?” I asked, still dizzy that an actual MODEL responded to me on Twitter.
“You know, the pretty one.”
“Oh, that one.”
“Kim Alexis.”
“Oh, I like her too!”
“She’s my signature favorite model!” John protested. He thinks I co-opt his favorite concepts. Like Creed perfume. And half-caffs at Starbucks. Which I totally do because he has better taste than I do and I’m a follower.
“I’m taking about Kathy Ireland.”
“Oh, she’s the one with the distinct voice, right?” John asked (note: “distinct” may not be an exact quote).
“I don’t think so.” (another note: my own voice is so “distinct” that people bring their pets to hear me speak because it causes them to become sterilized.)
“Right,” he says. “That was Andie McDowell.” And he tells me the story about how Andie McDowell’s voice is so annoying, Glenn Close had to dub in for her in Graystoke. Which sort of makes me think, how badly do you want to have Andie McDowell in your movie if you have to have someone else do the voiceover for her? I mean, wouldn’t it be easier to get someone else to begin wth? Like Kathy Ireland?
So John’s no help and I dig deep for a response:
and she writes back:
which is 14 years longer than I’ve worked as a model, for those keeping score.
My work? So I’m mentally composing a Pulitzer Prize winning tweet (140 characters or less!) and then I see this:
My profile? In courage?
Let’s review my profile, shall we?
* Name MarinkaNYC
* Location NYC
* Web http://nycmomandm…
* Bio Mom in NYC. Emotionally drained. And exhausted. Sometimes tipsy.
Great, she thinks I’m a lush. Fuck. No! This is just part of the mommy blogger uniform, like stilettos, which I totally can’t wear. If I didn’t drink on top of that, they’d totally throw me out of the club and take my blog from me. And I can’t lose my blog, it’s all I have. Except for the bottle, of course.
I am mentally composing a response and before I type it out, I see:
Great. The dreaded three dots. I was slightly worried that she was so worried about me that she was going to Demi Moore me.
So I finally respond:
and then went on to explain how I am a mom and work for causes that are close to my heart, like the legalization of gay marriage, although my involvement in that cause has so far been limited to being a fag hag.
And Kathy Ireland was very nice. She actually thanked me for not judging her, which made me feel a little bad because I still, after all that, sort of think that quoting Anne Frank is odd. But Kathy Ireland took the time to talk to me on Twitter, to explain herself, when she did not have to, and it made me feel like she is genuine in her quest.
And in her farewell to me, she suggested that I follow a friend of hers:
@DameElizabeth?
Of course.
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