From the monthly archives:

May 2010

Mixed Feelings

by Marinka on May 30, 2010

If you walk past your papa’s laptop and see an email addressed to him with a subject line that reads Young Black Male Available, calm down long enough to consider that your father is not into plantation playacting and that the email was in fact sent by the breeder that your parents bought their Doberman from.

However, when you run over to tell papa about this hilarious incident and laugh about how funny it would have been if papa were to be cruising for young black men on the internet, it will be oddly non-reassuring when he tells you, “no, I like young white females.”


I want to know what the candy makers are smoking.

Because when I was a kid–we had candy that came in one size: Normal. You went to a store, got a Snickers bar and you didn’t have to worry that it was anything other than a Normal-sized American candy bar.

Then, somewhere along the line, things changed.

We met the Fun-size candy bar. I’m not sure what was so fun about it, since it was just another word for small, but Ellen Degeneres made an excellent joke about some penis being “fun-sized”, so it was totally worth while. And yes, I have no idea why Ellen Degeneres was making that joke, but it was funny, so I didn’t question it.

Then things started to get insane.

Suddenly there was King-size, for people who liked to shop for their mattresses and candy simultaneously. And M&Ms came out with a “shareable” bag. Which is a huge scam, because it’s just a slightly bigger bag, but not as big as King, and because it doesn’t come with a calculator to keep track of the sharing process, I think it should just be re-named The Friendship Ender. I’m no fool, I can see the writing on the wall.

Of course there’s also the mini size, which many people get for Halloween. Especially in the recession.

But this week really topped it all.

Because I saw this in a local store.

Hi, we're Midgees! Eat Us!


Like midgets.

Which is crazy, because everyone knows that little person is the politically acceptable term. Or why not try vertically challenged? Sure, it may not be as snappy on the package, but sometimes doing the right thing isn’t as fun.

Makes you long for the good old days of the Normal American-candy bar, doesn’t it?


Twitter, Where Have You Been My Whole Life?

May 27, 2010

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know that I love Twitter. Where else can you have a meaningful life-affirming discussion with Kathy Ireland and get Real Housewives of New York‘s Kelly to follow you? Awesome. One of the sorrows of my life is that Twitter was not around during my formative […]

Read the full article →

Friendship Probation

May 25, 2010

Recently, I’ve had to place my friend Wendi on Friendship Probation. Here’s what happened. My routine on Friday is: Wake up and thank the Lord that it is Friday. Then I ask the Lord to hurry up and make it Monday again, so that the kids can go back to school and leave me the […]

Read the full article →

Hot Dogs and Picnics and Community Service

May 24, 2010

My friend Mom in the City invited me to a Better Than a Picnic Picnic at Randall’s Island on Saturday, and I was excited to go. Because, hello? It was sponsored by Hebrew National hot dogs so I though that it would be a beautiful way to reintroduce my kids to Judaism. And gluttony. Oh […]

Read the full article →

Week in Review

May 21, 2010

On Monday, I have a dilemma. I am on a strict diet, but I have a coupon for a free Cinnabon. I call rail-thin mama and tell her. “Should I throw it out, or do you want it?” I ask her. “What?” she says. “I am upset. How can you think of throwing out food. […]

Read the full article →

It’s All His Fault

May 20, 2010

If you must know, I am currently treating Husbandrinka to silence. The details aren’t important, suffice it to say that everything is his fault. Specifically, the fact that I was selected to serve on jury duty. True story. When I got the summons in the mail a few months ago, I immediately sprung into action. […]

Read the full article →

White Flag Waving

May 19, 2010

Lately, Young Ladrinka has been, how do you say in your language? Oh yes, a huge pain in the ass. You heard me. My beautiful boy, my 8 year old pride and joy has been unbearable. And the bitch of it is–it’s not a sudden transformation, so I can’t even blame early onset male menopause. […]

Read the full article →