From the monthly archives:

October 2010

Happy Halloween!

by Marinka on October 31, 2010

So far today has been marred by the fact that my daughter is sick for the second Halloween in a row, my son told me that he hates his perfectly good and heavily discounted Ninja costume and I told him that he’s ruining the point of Halloween, which is to put some crap on, go out, get candy and bring it home to his parents. Then he told me that he will not trick or treat unless he’s allowed to use a pillow case for his loot, probably King-size. I’m also upset because I bought a fake witch’s nose for my costume and my OWN AND NATURAL AND GOD-GIVEN NOSE IS LONGER THAN THE STORE BOUGHT ONE. I hate the anti-semites who made the fake nose.

I don’t know why this holiday has to suck so much. It’s like we’ve all forgotten that Jesus is the reason for the season.

But enough about me, Happy Halloween to you!

And if your costume is not quite ready, check out these can’t-miss-ideas!


The Whole Charlie Sheen Thing

by Marinka on October 30, 2010

I don’t know about you, but this Yemen-printer-cartridge-explosive-device-international-terror-alert shit is the last thing I need right now.

Because I’m still trying to recover from the whole Charlie Sheen thing.

And if you don’t know what I mean by the whole Charlie Sheen thing, then I really can’t help you. I can lead you to water, but I can’t make you drink from the fountain of wisdom, if you know what I mean.

Here are the questions that I have about the whole Charlie Sheen thing.

Why is Charlie Sheen allergic to cocaine?

Why was he in New York with his ex-wife and daughters, staying across the hall from each other at the Plaza? (I posed this question to Husbandrinka and he said that he didn’t find it that unusual. Admittedly, there are more alarming aspects of The Whole Charlie Sheen Thing, but still.)

Why the woman who he was going to pay $12,000 for sex claims that she is a porn star and not a prostitute and not an escort?

How did they agree on $12,000? Was it like “It’s $15,000, but if you pay cash, I’ll knock off $3k?”

Who the hell has $12,000 in his wallet?

Why doesn’t Charlie Sheen get mugged on a regular basis?

Is my mama the only one who enjoys watching Two and a Half Men?

The pornographic thespian that was in the room with Charlie Sheen has the following stage names: Capri Anderson, Alexis Capri, Stella Costanza and Capri Nubiles. Can you spot one that doesn’t belong? Was she trying to pass as George Costanza’s sister or something?


I’m Right, You’re Wrong

October 28, 2010

Welcome to this week’s edition of I’m Right, You’re Wrong (and possibly a moron), a semi-regular feature on this site that seeks to resolve a recent dispute that I’ve been having with a loved one. The rules are simple: I’ll post two positions, and you weigh in. You don’t have to agree with me! Disagreement: […]

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Please Don’t Make Me Look at Fat People

October 27, 2010

Yesterday the internet exploded. Maura Kelly wrote an article for Marie Claire, Should “Fatties” Get a Room (Even on TV?) and received over 900 comments. The idea was to assess the comfort level of watching the CBS sitcom Mike & Molly, about two people of size who met at Overeaters Anonymous. I call bullshit on […]

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October 26, 2010

On Saturday morning my daughter told me that she had a research project for school and wanted to go to the public library. (By the way, why do people say “public library”? Is it to avoid the confusion of people thinking that you were referring to Her Majesty’s personal collection?) At any rate, I’m one […]

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13 Years of Happiness

October 25, 2010

Today is thirteen years since the day that I made Husbandrinka the happiest person alive by marrying him. Well, I mean the happiest person with the very huge exception of my parents, of course, although perhaps they were more relieved than happy. It’s hard to say. Their screams of THANK GOD, and FINALLY THE GOOD […]

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Once and For All

October 22, 2010

Can we agree that the plural of child is children? And that the possessive of children is children’s? And yet, every Word processing program, Google and WordPress give me the red squiggly line underneath it which is roughly translated into “you spelled it wrong, moron.” And now I’m super-paranoid that I put the period inside […]

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South Beach, The Beginning

October 21, 2010

I have to apologize in advance to you for telling this story out of order. Because last week, Husbandrinka made me so insane that I had to tell you about the South Beach diet, instead of introducing you to it gradually. That’s his fault. Many things are. Earlier this month in West Virginia, I was […]

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