Honestly, I’m a very normal person so I don’t even know how this shit happens to me all the time.
Like the time a few years ago when I told my daughter about menstruation. It was a disaster.
And last weekend we were talking about HIV for some reason and she said that she’s not worried about it because she’s not planning on having sex for a long time, thank you baby Jesus. Please learn from my mistake. If your daughter says this to you, you can respond in a variety of ways.
See if you can pick out what I, Dumbass chose:
Of course you won’t be having sex for a long time! It’s so painful and makes you gain a ton of weight!
I’m so happy that you are making age-appropriate decisions, honey. Let’s celebrate with ice cream!
When you say sex, do you mean just vaginal intercourse? Because I know a lot of kids these days don’t consider oral sex to be sex, but it is and it’s pretty serious.
Yes, I did. Because I thought it was one of those teachable moments. Except she said “what’s oral sex?” and I remembered, once again, that there is no “undo” button when you’re talking to your kids. (By the way, do Macs have an Undo button or is this Pulitzer-winning reference lost on all you MacHeads?)
So she asked me what oral sex was and I said, “never mind” and for some reason she didn’t like that answer and said, “fine, I’ll just Google it then” and that’s how I stopped in the middle of Fifth Avenue and explained oral sex to my daughter.
But what choice did I have?
I blame Al Gore.
One year ago ...
- Visit - 2013