Bear Soup

by Marinka on March 2, 2010

John called me.
We have been a bit “on the outs” lately because I decided to spread an internet rumor about him. I wanted to tell everyone that he is sterile and he got super mad and told me that he was extremely virile and was going to impregnate me to prove it. Rude.

But then we made up and now we call each other all the time again.
John told me that he was going to a friend’s party and that they were going to make Bear Soup.
“What’s that?” I asked. And he told me that Bear Soup was when a bunch of Gay Men of Size, who are known as Bears in the community, get into a hot tub. Then he said that someone walks by with a spoon and takes a sip, but I’m sure that he just said that to encourage my gag reflex since I am trying to lose weight.
“That is so disgusting,” I told him. One of my New Year’s Resolutions was to become more judgmental of “alternative lifestyles” and I’d been falling behind a bit. (But don’t worry, Quakers are next on my list.)
“You are so closed-minded,” he accused me. “What could be more wholesome?”
“I’m going to tell mama about this,” I said.
“Don’t tell mama,” he said. His point was that mama wouldn’t even know what bears were, so I’d have to explain it to her and then spring the whole soup aspect on top of it. It was too much all at once.
“Okay,” I negotiated. “I’ll tell mama about Bears today and then about Bear Soup tomorrow. This way, she’ll have a day to process it.”

John agreed and I called mama.
I told her everything at once, because mama can handle it and I’m really bad at deferred gratification.
“Don’t call me with this thing again,” she told me. “That is repulsion in extreme.”
“I’m not sure that someone actually takes a sip. I think John made that up.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’m in my sixties, I’m not a young girl,” mama cried. “There is limit to disgusting at my age.”

Which is why I will not share this entry from Urban Dictionary with mama. But I’m sharing it with you. Because you like to learn.

It's important to know how to use a term in a sentence. Syntax, you know!


Hey, you! Are you in NYC? Do you like wine and chocolate and rest and relaxation? Then plan to come to Chelsea Market next Tuesday, from 3-7 pm, for delectable treats! Sponsored by iVillage and Dove chocolate. Mmmm…chocolate. Mark your calendar!

One year ago ...

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{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

Sorry For The Convenience
March 2, 2010 at 1:15 am

Thanks to you – and especially thanks to John – I’m so much smarter now than I was 90 seconds ago.


Daffodil Campbell March 2, 2010 at 1:44 am

THAT is awesome. Thank goodness that you have Urban Dictionary to guide you through some of the more nuanced aspects of city living. I especially appreciate seeing the terms used in context. Why, just last week I used U.D. to look up “douche canoe”. Fascinating stuff.


Sophie March 2, 2010 at 5:36 am

Woman, you got like 9000 emails in your inbox! Do you, like, need a secretary or something?
Also, now what am I soupposed (haha) to do with the soup I cooked yesterday? (vegeterian, not bear, but still…. gag!)


March 2, 2010 at 5:57 am

Repulsion in extreme….I just pissed my pants from laughing so hard.


March 2, 2010 at 9:29 am

What’s a bearquake? (Clicked on the picture – spent the last minutes trying to decide if I really want an answer)


marathonmom March 2, 2010 at 10:15 am

Husbadrinka needs one of those coffee mugs to get him over the slump of losing the planner


barbara sigelbaum
March 2, 2010 at 10:22 am

what a lovely visual.


Lady Ashfield March 2, 2010 at 11:01 am

John prides himself on his virility- must be that Sicilian gypsy in him…and of course he insists he has a “model” penis. Ha!- as in Lionel model train HO scale.

love you Marinka- and love you Johnny baby. just keep the cheese and ass juice outta that bear soup and you’ll be fine.


soccermom March 2, 2010 at 11:49 am

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, could of done without that. Gotta love that urban dictionary though. It certainly can make a dull day interesting.


magpie March 2, 2010 at 1:45 pm

You know, this would have made my mother laugh. She had an affinity for bears. Maybe she wouldn’t have liked the spoon sipping, but the bears and bear soup – she’d have like that.


Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels
March 2, 2010 at 2:35 pm

I would say yum except I don’t like hair in my soup.

Your mom is hilarious!!


anna see March 2, 2010 at 4:03 pm

my son has a vocab test tomorrow– i’m not planning on sharing this with him


March 2, 2010 at 4:39 pm

I am not fortunate enough to have a gay in my life to know these things. I will have to ask my daughter who does have gays in her life if she has heard of this. Odds are she has. Learn something new every day.


ZFrancis March 2, 2010 at 6:05 pm

HAHA thank you very much for that. The image in my head is…well, it’s an image.


March 2, 2010 at 9:42 pm

That’s why I come here, for the education. My gay moved away.


the mama bird diaries
March 2, 2010 at 10:21 pm

I know you’ll never believe me but I actually had bear soup for lunch today. Pregnancy craving.


anymommy March 2, 2010 at 11:45 pm

Did not need to know that. Please thank John for the unnecessary education.


Braja March 3, 2010 at 9:12 am

OMG you evil horrid wretched woman—-you invite everyone for WINE?? and CHOCOLATE??? and I’m supposed to just GET THERE?? from INDIA???



March 3, 2010 at 11:45 am

In this case, sharing really was caring.


Denise March 4, 2010 at 12:01 pm

If you ever have a chance to hang out with such a group of bears, be forewarned you’ll be known as Goldie Locks. I quickly learned that when I was in a Bear Pub in London.


The gold digger March 6, 2010 at 10:05 am

I don’t want to drink anyone’s bath water, gay or straight.


Mary @ Holy Mackerel
March 8, 2010 at 2:29 pm

Excuse me while I projectile vomit.

I’m actually going to be in NYC FOR MY FIRST TIME EVER!! in May, and I am so very excited!! Unfortunately, not in time for your wonderful March party. :o(


qc March 20, 2010 at 6:18 pm

First time commenter. I am a Quaker. Seriously, I am! I even went to a Quaker university. And I could share some fab insulting stories (I swear every family is related to each other. As a first generation Quaker I am a freak of nature). Hey, if you can’t poke fun at your beliefs you don’t really enjoy life.


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