by Marinka on March 21, 2011

Mama and Papa like to expose my kids to culture, because God knows I’m never going to. Although to be fair, I did manage to turn Young Ladrinka off The Bachelor forever after he watched it with me for a few nanoseconds two weeks ago.

On Friday, Mama and Papa decided to take them to Carnegie Hall for a piano concert. Both kids play the piano, so they thought it would be right up their alley.

Of course I was delighted. Because, duh, free Friday night.

But then I got greedy.

I wanted to know exactly how long the concert was going to be, to better gage how much culture they’d be exposed to, and, well, how much free time I’d have.

I asked Mama and Papa, but they didn’t know. They seemed mildly alarmed because the scheduled pianist had to cancel due to piano-induced exhaustion, but fortunately another pianist with a similar Russian-sounding name was able to step in.

I called Carnegie Hall to ask how long the concert would last, but I was very worried that they’d think that I was uncultured and only cared about the ending time.

I decided to get into character of Music Lover.

Unfortunately, after being on hold listening to what seemed like endless piano music, I slipped out of the character of Music Lover and into the character of Piano Burner.

Luckily, I faked it.

“Excuse me,” I told the operator. “I am planning on enjoying an evening of classical music tonight at Carnegie Hall. Could you please tell me how long my enjoyment will last.”

I could hear the operator rolling his eyes.

But I got the information.

“It’s 90 minutes,” I told the kids. “Not counting the encores.”

“Oh my god,” Young Ladrinka said. “Thank you for the warning.”

But they had a great time.

And I did too. Watching 1,000 Ways to Die. Seriously, if you haven’t seen it, you must. It’s fantastic.

You’ll beg for an encore.


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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Cool Dad
March 21, 2011 at 11:49 am

That reminds me: Cool Baby needs a new favorite song. I am fully aware now that I am a firework, though letting my colors burst is risky at my age.


Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up)
March 21, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Hahaha…I’m the same way. My parents were so cultured and I’m so ignorant. I’d have been happy to let them handle all this stuff but then they died and now my children are cretins. Oh well…


annie March 21, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Glad to see i’m not the only one to spend their weekend growing culturally. Does that even make sense? Maybe I was just growing cultures.


March 21, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Oh, I had to laugh. Only you would worry that some operator you don’t even know would think all you cared about was how long a concert would last.

The energy and forethought you put into that call.

Thank you for the laughter this are so funny.


the mama bird diaries
March 21, 2011 at 2:11 pm

I’m impressed that a kid who has a gum cup plays the piano.


Phoenix Rising
March 21, 2011 at 3:44 pm

90 minutes…. not including encores… or TRANSPORTATION! Which, I hope you encouraged them to arrive at the concert well before the scheduled starting time. You know, in case they needed to go potty or something. (Also – I’ve watched that horrible show and shows like it and I am always left going, “Great! Now I can’t ever get breast enhancements in a cheap, third world country because they will explode upon the ascent and I will burst into a million pieces and die! Who knew?.”)


Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him
March 21, 2011 at 10:36 pm

I think I may have uttered the phrase “Can you tell me how long my enjoyment will last?” to my husband before you-know-what.

Operators are really intimidating – I become a British version of myself s to impress them.


dusty earth mother March 21, 2011 at 11:21 pm

I’m with Kelcey on this one. You say “culture” and I think “Young Ladrinka’s gum cup”.


The Flying Chalupa
March 22, 2011 at 12:05 am

Man, I wish I had a free Friday night. Any chance Mama & Papa want to take a stranger’s toddler to Carnegie Hall? Or Chelsea Piers, their choice.

PS – Can the Mouthy Housewives also melt away my pounds?


Margaret (Nanny Goats)
March 22, 2011 at 12:32 am

I’m the opposite, whereas I’m the aunt who drags the niece away from her mother to expose her to culture, since her mother’s idea of culture is ATV-ing along the levy and playing Bingo.


March 22, 2011 at 9:36 am

I’m curious about Young Ladrinka’s gum cup? What is a gum cup? Is it similar to a spit cup for tabacky? Does he take it with him everywhere? Even Carnegie Hall?


Karen at French Skinny March 22, 2011 at 9:53 am

Hilarious. Those phone people are always so uppity!


Lady Jennie March 22, 2011 at 4:03 pm

My dad’s symphony usually played at Carnegie Hall once a year or so. Glad to know that at least your progeny are getting cultured. 😉 Russian composers are my favorite, as an aside.


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