Mama and Papa like to expose my kids to culture, because God knows I’m never going to. Although to be fair, I did manage to turn Young Ladrinka off The Bachelor forever after he watched it with me for a few nanoseconds two weeks ago.
On Friday, Mama and Papa decided to take them to Carnegie Hall for a piano concert. Both kids play the piano, so they thought it would be right up their alley.
Of course I was delighted. Because, duh, free Friday night.
But then I got greedy.
I wanted to know exactly how long the concert was going to be, to better gage how much culture they’d be exposed to, and, well, how much free time I’d have.
I asked Mama and Papa, but they didn’t know. They seemed mildly alarmed because the scheduled pianist had to cancel due to piano-induced exhaustion, but fortunately another pianist with a similar Russian-sounding name was able to step in.
I called Carnegie Hall to ask how long the concert would last, but I was very worried that they’d think that I was uncultured and only cared about the ending time.
I decided to get into character of Music Lover.
Unfortunately, after being on hold listening to what seemed like endless piano music, I slipped out of the character of Music Lover and into the character of Piano Burner.
Luckily, I faked it.
“Excuse me,” I told the operator. “I am planning on enjoying an evening of classical music tonight at Carnegie Hall. Could you please tell me how long my enjoyment will last.”
I could hear the operator rolling his eyes.
But I got the information.
“It’s 90 minutes,” I told the kids. “Not counting the encores.”
“Oh my god,” Young Ladrinka said. “Thank you for the warning.”
But they had a great time.
And I did too. Watching 1,000 Ways to Die. Seriously, if you haven’t seen it, you must. It’s fantastic.
You’ll beg for an encore.
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One year ago ...
- Update - 2013