Dear Parole Officer:

by Marinka on April 15, 2010

Young Ladrinka: Mom, I went to the principal’s office today.

Marinka: Oh?

YL: Not because I was in trouble. Just to talk.

Marinka: That’s…nice. About what?

YL: Well, it all started when I told Bobby that if he was a real man he’d punch himself in the face.

Marinka: And what did Bobby do?

YL: He punched himself in the face. But it wasn’t very hard, so I said that I’ll do it.

Marinka: That you’ll punch yourself in the face?

YL: No, punch him in the face.

Marinka: But aren’t you a real man?

YL: I’m 8. So I made a fist and started to move it like I was going to punch him, but then when it got really close to his face, I thought, Bobby is your friend and punching friends is wrong, so I stopped right near his face and didn’t touch him.

Marinka: Excellent thinking.

YL: Unfortunately, Luke was there too and he said, I’ll do it! And punched Bobby in the face really hard.

Marinka: Uh-oh.

YL: Bobby started crying and Luke had to go to the principal’s office.

Marinka: I bet.

YL: And then the principal said that he needed to talk to me.

Marinka: How was that conversation?

YL: Long. He was all this is not proper conduct for school.

Marinka: Or home, I may add.

YL: So I’m not allowed not to punch my friends now? That makes a lot of sense, mom!

Marinka: …

YL: I’ll just have to punch everyone in the face now, if that’s what you want.

Marinka: …

YL: I’ll just tell them it was your idea.

Marinka: …


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One year ago ...

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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

kati April 15, 2010 at 8:34 am

That is awesome. I LOVE that kid’s logic!! 🙂


Sophie, Inzaburbs April 15, 2010 at 9:06 am

That kid has brains. You are raising a future world leader! Think about it 🙂


Crys April 15, 2010 at 9:18 am

I love the fact that children are SO literal. Conversations between mothers and sons are awlays funny!


Karen at French Skinny April 15, 2010 at 10:03 am

Great. Now I have to go punch someone in the face.


April 15, 2010 at 10:24 am

I love your part in the dialogue

Marinka: ….


April 15, 2010 at 11:05 am

Well I’m as confused as he is now.

I guess I’ll just keep punching people in the face, but only on an as-needed basis.


the mama bird diaries
April 15, 2010 at 11:10 am

that bobby obviously had it coming. what a wimp.


Monster Dude April 15, 2010 at 11:39 am

My father told me about 60 years ago that you are not a real man until your face is polished couple of times…..

So, more is coming


Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him
April 15, 2010 at 12:18 pm

Since you’re in NYC, you’ve got to see God of Carnage. Punching kids and befuddled parents. Made me laugh. Your son may have written the screenplay; he seems like a witty one.


Gretchen April 15, 2010 at 12:33 pm

Start saving for law school now.


April 15, 2010 at 8:51 pm

I once got into all kinds of trouble for daring another girl to jump into a fire ant hill. She did it, even though any idiot knows that fire ant bites HURT. She was covered in ants and ant bites. I got a spanking. I thought that was completely unfair because, after all, she was the dummy who was dumb enough to do the jumping.

Moral of the story? Your kid is way smarter than I was when I was six (eight?). Whatever. You get the point.


traci April 15, 2010 at 10:28 pm

this reminds me of the time my sister kicked a kid while she was swinging: “But I told him, he may not want to walk in front of me. I warned him.”


Tiffany April 16, 2010 at 10:59 am

kids are way smarter than grown ups


April 16, 2010 at 7:45 pm

Do adults get sent to the principals office for punching people in the face?
Cause I can totally take the principal.


anna see April 16, 2010 at 9:12 pm

yeah, good luck saying no to the next lego set. this guy has some excellent logic.


dusty earth mother April 17, 2010 at 7:38 am

I enjoy how your son is the catalyst for mayhem, but didn’t actually perform any of the physical aspects of it. Nicely done, Ladrinka.


April 22, 2010 at 9:26 am

Kids make me laugh so hard.


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