Let me just come out and say that I think this whole Elf on the Shelf scam is one huge bag of crazy and it’s not just because I’m so upset that I didn’t come up with concept my$elf. OMG. Did you just see that?
My $ Elf.
Need I say more?
My friend Stacey explained that you adopt an elf doll (in exchange for cash, er.. I mean, adoption processing fees) and the Elf arrives, get named and then you tell your kid that the Elf will watch him or her all day and then fly to the North Pole to report to Santa the child’s wishes and also possibly mention all the BAD AND NAUGHTY things that the child did, so, I don’t know, Junior, you have free will and all but I’d watch your step.
The stupid thing is that even though this Elf is watching your kid, you still have to hang around because according to Social Services, you can’t leave your kid in the care of an Elf while you get a quick mani-pedi around the corner.
Where’s the magic in that?
I also suspect that this whole Terror By Elf probably works only until the kids are three or four years old, at which time they’ll start asking questions like “why don’t the Elf and Santa just Skype like normal people?” and “doesn’t Santa know everything anyway, like Jesus?” and “Did the Jews really kill our Lord or is that the Vatican’s spin on it?”
And although I’m all for creating an Orwellian experience for your child, isn’t there something inherently Big Brother about this Elf thing? Big Brother as in unAmerican? Is hating country really the message that we want to send to our children?
I’m just glad that my children are older so that I don’t have to flirt with treason like that.