Feast

by Marinka on July 18, 2011

As a mother and a blogger sometimes it feels as though there are not enough hours in the day to squeeze in everything that I need to get done. No sooner have I caught up on The Real Housewives and deciphered the latest Twitter drama, visited my favorite blogs and prepared the next day’s post that I turn around and the have to face my children clamoring for dinner.

It never fails.

No many how many times I’ve fed them in the past, they always have that “where’s dinner?” look on their faces come..er..dinnertime.

It’s like they’ve been conditioned to eat or something.

Fortunately I noticed this pattern years ago and used it to my advantage.

Because I win cooking. And do you know why?

NO, NOT BECAUSE I GET TAKE OUT. I win cooking because even though I genuinely enjoy preparing a meal for my family, I pretend that the experience is akin to being in the Gulag, so that they appreciate it more.

Like the first time I made Hillshire Farm sausage Gulosh in a slow cooker.

It was pretty much the easiest meal that I’d ever made but because it was in a slow cooker, the aroma wafted around the apartment for hours before dinner was ready. The hours during which I feigned exhaustion.

“Stay out of the kitchen!” I would shout, while fast-forwarding through an Oprah episode commercial. “This meal preparation business isn’t for amateurs!” “It smells so good!” the kids would plead. “I’m working as hard as I can!” I’d shout back at them, flipping through a recent issue of Vogue.

By the time that dinner was served, my family was salivating.

“You really outdid yourself this time,” Husbandrinka said. (I’m paraphrasing. His actual words may have been, “Finally! It’s nice to eat dinner before the kids get ready to leave for college.”)

“Mommy, you are the best!” the kids chimed in. Or something like that. Who the hell listens to them?

The dinner was a success. Everyone was delighted.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” I told them. “Because I know you can see how hard I worked on it. And to relax, I’m going to go to D.C. to spend a weekend with my girl friends.”

“Can we come too?” The kids asked.

“Absolutely not,” I nipped that one in the bud. Because as far as I could tell, they weren’t the ones cooped up in the kitchen, watching daytime television and reading Vogue. Fine. US Weekly.

And I’m glad that I’m not the only one who sometimes has ulterior motives. But as long as everyone is happy:

____________

This post is part of a sponsored campaign by Hillshire Farm.

One year ago ...

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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Anthony from CharismaticKid
Twitter:
July 18, 2011 at 12:15 am

Gulash? Sounds like a word I’m going to say with kids now ALL THE TIME.

Kids want to goto DC? What’s fun there? The White House to look at? Tell them to trust me, I was there as a kid and it wasn’t the funnest kid town.

You just reminded me I have 13 dance classes from groupon to fulfill. See you when I can tango!

Reply

sharon July 18, 2011 at 12:26 am

So funny! Love this post.

Reply

Peajaye
Twitter:
July 18, 2011 at 1:09 am

Were her dirty shoes on the same counter where they were preparing the food?

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Sophie@Fabrications July 18, 2011 at 1:43 am

Why, Marinka, You look just fab in the commercial!
(can I come to DC, too?)

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Anna Nonamus
Twitter:
July 18, 2011 at 2:21 am

Sounds like how I cook. The take out part, that is. 😉

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Becky
Twitter:
July 18, 2011 at 8:01 am

The crock pot has made me look like a genius many times over. And I can use all the help I can get.

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Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up)
Twitter:
July 18, 2011 at 8:06 am

hahaha…this post could have come out of my head. Except, i don’t cook. I can, i just don’t like to. My kids also seem to want dinner on a daily basis. I truly don’t get it myself. Next time, i’m sending them to your house. It’s somewhere in the City right?

See? This is humor people. You should have been a Voice of the Year. Well, your mine at least.

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From Belgium July 18, 2011 at 8:11 am

This is why I cook with a closed door…

Reply

A Mommy in the City
Twitter:
July 18, 2011 at 8:18 am

Love slow cooker meals! I think its the best way to cook!

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OHmommy
Twitter:
July 18, 2011 at 8:40 am

Is that really you in the commercial? Not only are you hysterical you are also beautiful!

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Wendi
Twitter:
July 18, 2011 at 8:55 am

You sleep with that slow cooker, don’t you?

Love that commercial–yay for Wendis with an i!

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kirida
Twitter:
July 18, 2011 at 9:23 am

You win the internet. The end.

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dusty earth mother July 18, 2011 at 10:07 am

You are so brilliant. I slow-cook all the time, but never thought to milk it like that. I’m always like “Oh, I’m slow-cooking, so yes, I can do the Michael Jackson Experience Blood On The Dance Floor number with you!” I should be lobotomized.

Reply

Mom101
Twitter:
July 18, 2011 at 10:43 am

Can you come to my house and make it? (Yes, I’m that lazy.)

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The mama bird diaries
Twitter:
July 18, 2011 at 11:04 am

I don’t even know how to use a slow cooker. I’ve got to get my shit together.

Reply

Tonya
Twitter:
July 18, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Can you slow cook a grilled cheese? It’s all my kid wants to eat. Who cares what the husband wants…he’s got fingers and knows how to dial for take out.

Reply

Noelle July 20, 2011 at 2:18 am

Who do I need to talk to about you getting your own sitcom?

Reply

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