I wish I had a happier installment for you today, but unfortunately this week’s edition of I’m Right, You’re Wrong is emotionally devastating.
See although John is my gay best friend, a few years ago I started an online relationship with another homosexual American and it has, in recent months, intensified. (More on that soon!) As a result of this intensification, we email each other throughout the day with witty observations, supportive affirmations and the like. What more could a hag like me ask for?
Except on Thursday, I get an email from him and he says, very matter of fact, that he was having lunch with his ex-wife and WHAT? WHAT Ex-wife?!
Which leads us to:
Dilemma: In a friendship between a Jewish skin cancer survivor who fled the Soviet Union at the tender age of ten and a some gay guy living in L.A., should revelations about past marital status be made in an offhand manner, as though no one had ever seen the episode of Will & Grace where Grace was jealous of Mira Sorvino because she had slept with Will?
Disagreers: Peajaye and Marinka
Position One: Peajaye should have told Marinka immediately about his marriage, while simultaneously reassuring her that he only married that woman because he hadn’t met Marinka first and now that he thinks about it, he will terminate his present same-sex relationship of 20 years, because not being with Marinka is unbearable, even though she’s married and is getting a little flipped out by where this sentence is going.
Position Two: Some nonsense.
Ok, ok, Position Two for Real: Are we to assume that Britney Spears tells every mommy-blogger she meets on the web that she was once married to some guy for a few hours? If your answer is no, then you must see this double-standard for what it is: homotoxic (a phrase I just now coined and will soon be trademarking).
As Marinka and Peajaye are still getting to know each other, Marinka should consider this dating metaphor: When you go to a restaurant with your newly beloved, you do not eat everything on the table, or complain about past boyfriends, or fart in bed. You wait until after you move in to partake in these activities. The same goes for revealing personal past events in your life. As the Wicked Witch of the West once said: All in good time, my pretty, all in good time.
But there is an even larger issue at stake here, and that is: Is this really such a big deal? Lots of people get married and divorced. It’s not like Peajaye had his own stable of Sister-Wives. What will Marinka be demanding next: vaccination records, college transcripts, a birth certificate?
So, without revealing which one of us holds Position One and Position Two, please tell me what you think.
One year ago ...