Gem-Encrusted Animal Jewelry. For Jews

by Marinka on January 6, 2009

I don’t understand the “gem-encrusted animal jewelry” concept and not just because the word “encrusted” makes me think of dried shit.

This week I read something horrifying in The New Yorker. Apparently there are many, many people in Palm Beach (which I’m pretty sure is code for Jews) who are selling their David Webb gem-encrusted animal jewelry to raise cash, because they were defrauded by Bernie Maddoff. Seriously, and I say this as a member of the Tribe, if my people want to keep being “the Chosen”, they’ve got to be a little more choosy with their jewelry. I’m pretty sure that was the 11th Commandment.

Does anyone (who is not Cleopatra) think that this looks good? 

I think he looks superguilty and also a little like he’s posing for a mugshot. Sort of like Madoff.

This is the one upside to this encrusted economy–I don’t have to worry that Husbandrinka will bestow one of these on me.

One year ago ...

0saves
If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

{ 55 comments… read them below or add one }

heartatpreschool January 6, 2009 at 11:15 pm

Gorgeous! Are you having a give-away for these? Sign me up!

Reply

Kirsten / Mama Ginger Tree January 6, 2009 at 11:31 pm

Ahhhhhhh. Those things are freaky.

Reply

Braja January 7, 2009 at 12:27 am

All I can say is, if this is the jewelery they’re wearing, I’m glad I’m not a Jew. I can possibly think of other reasons too, but it might be too controversial…

Reply

Beth January 7, 2009 at 3:15 am

It does look guilty. Further evidence that it might be for Jews…

Reply

Imogen Lamport January 7, 2009 at 3:54 am

Darn ugly, I’ve never understood them and who would buy them – people with no taste or class.

Reply

blognut January 7, 2009 at 4:49 am

Those pieces are really disturbing – they look like something my son would pick out to give me as a gift (and then I’d be forced to wear it sometimes and that would suck).

Reply

Belle January 7, 2009 at 4:57 am

Jesus Christ! I have LOADS of these. What is your problem Marinka? I thought you were an animal-lover? My favourite is a jewel-(en)crusted pig which has a Topaz (my birthstone)firmly placed up it’s butt.

Reply

Irish Gumbo January 7, 2009 at 6:34 am

Encrusted. Another word ruined for me (sigh). Although to be fair, it does SOUND like it implies dried shit.

It may not be guilt so much as “WTF did you do to ME? MY EYES! MY EYES!!”

Reply

Cindy January 7, 2009 at 6:36 am

Look it lady, I started selling my wares and I have lost my FL home because of that jackass 🙁

Reply

Jen on the Edge January 7, 2009 at 6:52 am

My 8 y.o.would love a gem-encrusted unicorn.

Reply

Smart A$$ Mom January 7, 2009 at 6:55 am

Reason #1002 I need to convert to Judaism for the awesome baubles.

I might move this up to right above #3 “For the Ketubah”

Reply

*Akilah Sakai* January 7, 2009 at 7:07 am

“I don’t understand the “gem-encrusted animal jewelry” concept and not just because the word “encrusted” makes me think of dried shit.”

That is so true and so f*cking funny! LOL! I’m going to be saying “encrusted” all week just for the hell of it.

In fact, I have to go clean my “encrusted” toilets…

Reply

Rachel January 7, 2009 at 7:27 am

My husband has an aunt who loves this kind of stuff, and she’s not even a Jew.

Reply

K and/or K January 7, 2009 at 7:33 am

Good God those would give me nightmares!!

Reply

Paula January 7, 2009 at 7:35 am

The expression on the jaguar/leopard/ocelot/whothehellknows is the one inmates have on their first day in a prison shower.

Reply

Kate Coveny Hood January 7, 2009 at 7:37 am

For me, this trend is right up there with “Bill Cosby” sweaters and “the Bedazzler.” But at least you can get some cash money for these nouveau rich monstrosities.

Reply

Marmite Breath January 7, 2009 at 7:56 am

Since due to it being depressing and shit, I don’t read the real news (I read Dlisted.com) I have no idea who this Madoff character is.

However, I came into the room when Mr Marmite Breath was watching the news (the real news, not Fox or anything) and thought that it said Rachel Maddow was being convicted of something and I very nearly lost my shit!

Speaking of encrusted, I have to go wash sheets. BWAHAAH, I only said that to gross you out, Marinka.

Or did I????……..

Reply

MommyTime January 7, 2009 at 8:22 am

These would look particularly fabulous adorning a sporty ensemble complete with a real leopard-fur bag and leopard skin shoes.

At least, that’s how I always wear mine.

Reply

Andy January 7, 2009 at 8:37 am

My girlfriend wants to convert so she can wear the gaudy jewelry. This is Exhibit A on why she shouldn’t.

Reply

Miss Britt January 7, 2009 at 8:42 am

I actually like the first one. A little.

Does this mean I have to convert??

Reply

Domestic Goddess (In Training) January 7, 2009 at 8:47 am

I think the cat kinda looks like someone stuck something up its butt. It looks a little shocked in the eyes, and its back seems to be in an uncomfortable posture. Come one, come all… get your sodomozied jungle cat brooch!!! Bargain prices!

Reply

Kristine January 7, 2009 at 8:49 am

These look like something my late grandmother would wear, she wasn’t Jewish, just big haired Texas Republican.

Reply

Madge January 7, 2009 at 9:04 am

are you sure husbandrinka won’t buy you one? does he read your blog?

Reply

Maggie May January 7, 2009 at 9:59 am

yah, no.

Reply

Melissa January 7, 2009 at 10:35 am

Being from Big Hair Texas Republican Land I can tell you we see that shit all the time. Cannot stand it, but it’s good for a laugh.

Reply

Irish Chicken Soup January 7, 2009 at 10:41 am

Does anyone think that this looks good?

Yeah…my mother…

…and we are not Jewish.

…I’m still hoping to “accidently” stumble across the adoption papers.

Reply

rightonmom January 7, 2009 at 10:56 am

Sure puts the Jew in ‘jewel’. I think there might be a correlation there.

Reply

Threeboys1mommy January 7, 2009 at 10:59 am

… but what if Husbandrinka got a really good price from a Palm Beach resident… can you believe the New Yorker rejected my request for a subscription!?! (don’t answer that)

Reply

tz January 7, 2009 at 11:00 am

when I first got on here, I thought you might actually be review the jewlrey as a good thing, I’m so glad I kept reading…

11th commandment…hahaha

Reply

Vodka Mom January 7, 2009 at 11:01 am

I can always count on YOU to make me laugh.

Now, how did you get your hands on all my mom’s jewelry? huh?? YOu got some splainin’ to do.

Reply

Kimberly January 7, 2009 at 11:09 am

it looks more like something Guido from the Bronx would wear.

Reply

Sophie, Inzaburbs January 7, 2009 at 11:41 am

Marinka sweetheart, are you sure you are actually in New York?
Don’t you recognize a knuckle duster when you see one?
For defense in case of being mugged. I thought you all got mugged all the time in the Big Apple.

So you see, beautiful and practical!

Reply

Ann's Rants January 7, 2009 at 11:42 am

Oh, and the brooch just makes my lapel sag…

Reply

Heather, Queen of Shake Shake January 7, 2009 at 11:50 am

Note to self: Don’t ever let Marinka see my jewel encrusted shrimp, which I LOVE.

2nd Note to self: Write a blog post about my shrimp and start a blog war with Marinka.

Reply

La Belette Rouge January 7, 2009 at 11:51 am

When I think of encrusted I think more of the goo that mats under animals eyes.

Reply

SCREAMING FOR CHOCOLATE January 7, 2009 at 12:18 pm

Obviously for a different age bracket than what you are in. I am 50 and I wouldn’t go near it. Maybe you need to be on the 70ish side. Wearing pins or animal rings is not my thing….

Coco

Reply

Kylie w Warszawie January 7, 2009 at 12:33 pm

I also hate the word encrusted.

I think Dylan’s grandmother would like those. But she’s 82.

Reply

Jennifer, Playgroups Are No Place For Children January 7, 2009 at 12:59 pm

To TOTALLY steal YOUR comment,

Oh, I thought this was a giveaway.

Reply

lisa January 7, 2009 at 1:37 pm

I’m betting the Jaguar car dealership is giving those away as an incentive. You know, buy one get one free.

Oh wait,I bet their cars are now being reposesed, as well.

Reply

the mama bird diaries January 7, 2009 at 2:05 pm

I will absolutely pick one of these up for you when I’m in Palm Beach later this winter.

Reply

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy January 7, 2009 at 2:06 pm

EW! those are the most hideously tacky pieces of jewelry I have ever seen! My mother would love them (and she is not a Jew, by the way)

Reply

Laura January 7, 2009 at 2:47 pm

God these are breath taking. Amazing and lovely!

I nominated you for the Honest Scrap blogger award. Come take a look. 🙂

Reply

ingrid January 7, 2009 at 3:38 pm

yeah. absolutely. in fact, i’d wear a ring on every finger. *that’s* how much i like it.

and a fascinator. because they are lovely. and classy. (i have to admit that i love the name. and that when i turn 70 i will absolutely wear them all of the time.)

Reply

HoodChick January 7, 2009 at 4:25 pm

I think he looks a bit startled. I don’t want to know who is sneaking up on him or what their purpose is.

Reply

Carolyn...Online January 7, 2009 at 6:22 pm

I had no idea Palm Beach was code for Jewish. Any other insight into The Tribe?

Reply

Jeanne January 7, 2009 at 6:28 pm

Why would someone pay money to buy real jewelry that looks like cheap costume stuff?

Reply

Heinous January 7, 2009 at 7:03 pm

You’re so lucky that husbandrinka thinks enough of you to not embarrass you with such offerings.

Reply

anymommy January 7, 2009 at 7:52 pm

Reminds me of my Grandma. A Jew of course. The encrusted jewelry and Palm Beach.

AND, my family has been saying that Palm Beach and West Palm Springs are code for Jew for years. Because all their elderly, crusty (encrusted?), Jewish relatives live there.

Reply

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub January 7, 2009 at 8:00 pm

Old lady jewelry seems to be universally awful…. you don’t have to be a member of the tribe to fall for pieces that are over the top.

Reply

Charmaine January 7, 2009 at 8:18 pm

Irish Catholics don’t play dat gem encrusted animal business.

If there are gems, we’re using them to buy bombs.

I mean we used to do that.

Sincerely,
Almost moved into a Kibbutz. I am NOT kidding.

I think I might actually be a better Jew then you. hee hee

Reply

Magpie January 7, 2009 at 8:43 pm

I read that New Yorker piece, and I thought that stuff sounded vile. I’m so glad you dug up photos. Because it IS vile.

Reply

silvergirl January 7, 2009 at 9:00 pm

This is the look of a cat who just got busted eating out of the litterbox.

Reply

phd in yogurtry January 7, 2009 at 9:46 pm

Oy.

Reply

MamaMaria January 10, 2009 at 9:33 am

Hmm…makes me wonder if it’s better to be Catholic. Which is worse? Devout Catholic during the sex scandals, or Devout Jew during the Maddoff Bad Jewelry Selloff on eBay? Did you see the selloff prices? If they paid more than that for them originally, then it explains how Maddoff duped them!

They have a Sarah Coventry look to them, don’t they? Or is that too mean to Sarah Coventry?

Reply

Swistle January 12, 2009 at 12:01 pm

I kind of like his butt designs, but his face is definitely encrusted.

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: