Nice Capades

by Marinka on January 6, 2009

Every year, I take $120 from my wallet and flush it down the toilet. It’s a very special ritual, also known as buying ice skates for my daughter. She ice skates about half a dozen times in them and then for no apparent reason, her feet grow over the summer and by the next winter she’s all Cinderella’s stepsister-like and her ice skates don’t fit.  I’m trying to get her to start smoking to stunt her growth a bit, but she’s resisting it.  Apparently it’s not healthy of something.

So I placed last year’s skates on Craigslist.

Reidell girl’s ice skates
Size 6, model 121, white ice skates.
Gently used, some markings and a few scratches.

$50/ BO.

I thought that my ad was very to the point and was overall Madison Avenue-style excellent.  I filled out a deposit slip for the $50 that I was sure would be coming my way soon and picked out a spot for  my future Clio on the mantle.
For the first few days, I did not get any responses. I did not panic because it’s not like as soon as you see a Coke commercial you run out immediately to get a can, especially if it’s like in the middle of the night or you just came out of a surgical procedure or something.  The next few days brought similar results.  It was getting harder to keep my spirits up but papa encouraged me by saying “$50? Are you insane?!  You should pay people to take that crap away from you.”  
But then on the sixth day, it happened.  I got a response from someone who truly appreciated my ad:

From your post you seem very interesting so i thought i’d break the ice. I’m 21
years old and single again. I recently got out of a long term relationship and I
have totally forgotten how to date. I’m not looking for anything serious right
off the bat but I would like to go on casual dates again and get to know people,
if it turns into something more then no problems. I’m somewhat shy, a bit
eccentric and I can be very blunt. I wear t-shirts, play video games, have a WOW
account,watch anime, and I love pizza and sushi.


I know that the customer is always right and all that, but what the fuck that does this mean?  I put an ad for ice skates and I seem like an interesting person?  I can just see him thinking–“intriguing. Such small feet. And she no longer ice skates… There must be a story behind it!”  And how do you get out of a long term relationship when you’re 21?  (AND ALSO–I realized that when my daughter was born, 10 years ago, he was 11 years old. OMG.)
Oh, and he forgot how to date?  Well, I haven’t been on the dating scene myself in over 12 years, but from what I seem to recall, you find people to date on, oh, I don’t know, dating sites as opposed to “selling children’s ice skates” sites.  Although it’s certainly a relief that he wears t-shirts because the last thing I need right now is to get involved with one of those hardline-against-t-shirt wearing freaks.
Is this what it’s come down to? Do I need to start a relationship with this anime lover to sell the skates? Because I love pizza too.

One year ago ...

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{ 51 comments… read them below or add one }

Annje January 6, 2009 at 7:30 am

I think you should go for it, so you don’t have to waste your deposit slip. It sounds like you two have so much in common. I can never refuse a man who plays video games and as an extra bonus, watches anime–Sexy!

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Tracey January 6, 2009 at 8:28 am

Creepy stalker dude.

I hate the spam crap I find in my regular email box. HOW do they know I have always wanted a larger p#nis?? I’ve always kept that a secret!!!

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bex January 6, 2009 at 9:43 am

I’m not seeing the dilemma here… Everyone knows that making a sale and pizza are the two greatest things on this planet.

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Kath January 6, 2009 at 9:45 am

Now that’s funny! And people say it’s hard to find a nice man to date. 😉

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Heather, Queen of Shake Shake January 6, 2009 at 9:53 am

The first two lines in your post? I'm totally stealing those fuckers sometime in the future.

This 21 year old is a dweeb. I get regular emails from Bonnie & Margie telling me how i make them really hrny. And I'm not even gay.

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K and/or K January 6, 2009 at 9:55 am

Hey–you’ve still got it!

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Heinous January 6, 2009 at 9:57 am

Lol… you should try to be less suggestive with your ads. I mean really, the one you posted just oozes “hot for anime and pizza hussy.”

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Kirsten / Mama Ginger Tree January 6, 2009 at 10:00 am

I think you should print it out and casually leave it where Husbandrinka will find it. That’ll fix him.

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Kelly January 6, 2009 at 10:07 am

well, your ad was very racy and to think that someone wouldn’t assume that you’re looking for a little side action is silly. you tease!

thanks for the laugh!

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OHmommy January 6, 2009 at 10:17 am

Oh man. I just sat down at the computer to list our old Pottery Barn TV armoire on Craigslist.

I’m going to have to re-write what I have for it. I like pizza too. Sausage, to be exact.

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the mama bird diaries January 6, 2009 at 10:22 am

He doesn’t even skate? Loser.

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Cindy January 6, 2009 at 10:30 am

$50/BO…what do you expect? BO is the secret word for I need it bad!

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Kristine January 6, 2009 at 10:38 am

Awesome.

And also, if you pick things up with him, you can be a Cougar in NYC

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rightonmom January 6, 2009 at 11:07 am

I found this incredibly funny!!Still lmao!! I mean, nothing says you’re hot date material more than ‘Gently used, some markings, and a few scratches.’
Dude’s got serious issues, although to his credit he did say he was ‘breaking the ice.’

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Iheartfashion January 6, 2009 at 11:09 am

I’d love hear your response!

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Domestic Goddess (In Training) January 6, 2009 at 11:12 am

Maybe he is on to something. Buy the skates for $50, get a date for free. Its a little prostitute-esque but in this economy you have to take risks.

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WA January 6, 2009 at 11:14 am

Now I’m thinking of that song “Through the Eyes of Love” from “Ice Castles”. Thanks a lot, Marinka.

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*Akilah Sakai* January 6, 2009 at 11:19 am

Sounds like he went ice skating, fell, and cracked his noggin if he actually sent that off of your ad. WTF?!

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Sophie, Inzaburbs January 6, 2009 at 11:41 am

Personally, I think he has self-esteem issues. Either that or he is a hardcore fetishist.

Although he may have thought he was getting a size 6 model of caucasian origin who ice skates, there is no getting past the fact that you also advertised yourself as 121 years old, gently used, with Body Odour.

And then you actually had the nerve to ask for money. You should feel lucky you even got one response, and from someone who clothes their upper body, no less.

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Kimberly January 6, 2009 at 11:42 am

Poor kid, thought he was clicking on a personal on Craigslist, but hit your iceskates instead. Some people will sell ANYTHING on Craigslist, I can’t believe it’s a pimp site too.

Also, be careful not to read “pizza hussy” in the comment above too quickly. I pulled a muscle in my eye.

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blognut January 6, 2009 at 11:47 am

Are you sure you were on Craig’s list and not some dating site for 21 year old t-shirt wearing, pizza eating, stalker creeps who like girls with small feet? Did you double-check?

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Insta-mom January 6, 2009 at 11:52 am

Thank goodness she’s into ice skating and not horseback riding. Can you imagine what you’d get trying to sell last year’s pony?

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Julia January 6, 2009 at 12:23 pm

Ewww! What mom would say yes to dating him????

By the way, I gave you a bloggy award.

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Heather January 6, 2009 at 12:36 pm

Maybe he was a CIA agent and thought the BO was a code for Barrack Obama and really you have a coded message. Maybe its from your parents relatives at the KGB?

Seriously though, this is funny!

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Irish Gumbo January 6, 2009 at 12:39 pm

Well, you should at least ask him if the skates would fit him! 50$ is 50$. And if he is that up against it for a date, he might have done anything for the chance!

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SCREAMING FOR CHOCOLATE January 6, 2009 at 12:42 pm

Beats the hell out of the offers I got when I posted on Craigslist. “We will send you US cashiers check and arrange shipping. Because you are a dumbass and will accept my bogus check and give me your product for free.” Well they didn’t say the last part but they might as well have…

Coco…

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Jennifer, Playgroups Are No Place For Children January 6, 2009 at 1:39 pm

I’d at least want to see a picture first, but I’m shallow like that.

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MommyTime January 6, 2009 at 1:52 pm

This is cracking me right up. I think you should email him back with something equally irrelevant, like a cookie recipe and a link to a really nice chef’s hat (or whatever else you can think of that is the opposite of ice skates; I always do have a hard time figuring out the opposite of ice skates), and then see what he does.

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Imogen Lamport January 6, 2009 at 2:02 pm

Ahh spammers – they’ll follow you to your grave, then offer you lots of money to transfer into your bank account from Nicaragua from a dead man.

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for a different kind of girl January 6, 2009 at 2:05 pm

Maybe if you posted your ad in the ‘curious and looking’ section of Craigslist (Is there such a section? I ask because I really don’t know!), I bet you’d unload those skates within the hour.

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Miss Britt January 6, 2009 at 4:41 pm

I thought for SURE you were going to tell us you posted in the wrong category. LOL

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Tooj January 6, 2009 at 5:03 pm

Holy crap!! LOL That is FUNNY. Why would you try selling ice skates on a singles site? 😉

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Pseudonymous High School Teacher January 6, 2009 at 5:15 pm

Up the price and see what happens.

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Vodka Mom January 6, 2009 at 5:39 pm

I flush money down the toilet on a regular basis. One of these days I’m going in after it.

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Smart A$$ Mom January 6, 2009 at 6:05 pm

I think you should go for it, he sounds like a winner. That or redo the ad to say:

‘I am a kinda interesting, and I have skates’

see where it gets you?

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Janie January 6, 2009 at 6:13 pm

That’s crazy, girl!

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Mama Cass January 6, 2009 at 6:25 pm

this is so funny…what was his best offer?

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Always Home and Uncool January 6, 2009 at 6:27 pm

When I post on Craigslist I only get the same wacky Asian guy from Brooklyn wanting to know if I have any other “collectibles” to sell. You chicks have all the fun.

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Beth January 6, 2009 at 6:39 pm

I’ll bet the long term relationship he just got out of was with his mother.

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Frogs in my formula January 6, 2009 at 7:33 pm

I have encountered some freaky people on craigslist. Let us know what you decide to do about the skates. Maybe the dude’s ex was a skater? Oh hell, who knows.

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Anna Lefler January 6, 2009 at 8:02 pm

OK, I need to break something to you, Marinka:

In CraigsList-speak, “ice skates” means “bondage partner.”

Thank GOD you weren’t trying to sell your old VCR. You don’t even WANT to know what THAT means.

~ A.

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anymommy January 6, 2009 at 9:51 pm

That seems desperate. Give it a little more time.

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King of New York Hacks January 6, 2009 at 10:46 pm

Well….to hell with it , I’m going to start selling skates on Craigslist…no wait maybe I’ll sell those old 70’s roller skates to see what kinda freaks reply !!!LOL Hilarious post !

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ShallowGal January 7, 2009 at 7:52 am

I’ve been trying to sell my son’s old ice skates on Craig’s List (Riedell 121, size 1, black, $50) for MONTHS and not a single date.

Bunch of racists singles.

xoxo, SG

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bernthis January 7, 2009 at 11:06 am

Forgot how to date? Long term relationship? with what? his CAT? and when did he and the cat meet? When he was a fetus?

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kbreints January 7, 2009 at 2:38 pm

So Funny! I hate spam!

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HoodChick January 7, 2009 at 4:58 pm

Where I come from all of this:

“single again. I recently got out of a long term relationship and I
have totally forgotten how to date. I’m not looking for anything serious right
off the bat but I would like to go on casual dates again and get to know people,
if it turns into something more then no problems. I’m somewhat shy, a bit
eccentric and I can be very blunt. I wear t-shirts, play video games”

could have been explained by saying “I am a slob, a loser and a dick”

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Magpie January 7, 2009 at 8:42 pm

Just imagine the person who sends that note in response to every damned ad on Craigs List. Wowl

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Z January 8, 2009 at 7:21 am

Sounds like it could be true love to me 😉

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Coma Girl January 9, 2009 at 8:35 am

Just found you from the Queen of Shake-Shake.

Hilarious!!!

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Leslie January 12, 2009 at 2:00 pm

Now I know that I should never read any of these blogs while drinking water…

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