Name This Tooth!

by Marinka on January 4, 2009

So the other day, my 7 year old son pointed to the empty space where his tooth used to be–top, front and center–and said, “He was my best chewer, I miss him!”

I asked him what the tooth’s name was and he told me to guess. This is what passes for “family time” in NYC.
I guessed “Chewy” which I really thought was an award-winning guess.
“Nope,” he said. “But close.”

(An aside: saying “nope” and “yep” sounds really smug and annoying.)

“YES! How did you know?”
“I’m really smart. Hey, let’s see if dad can guess.”

. . .

(another aside.  “…” stands for my son and I walking to find Husbandrinka.  Please do not think that this was done in silence.   “Can I have a new Mario Super Sonic Wii game?” “No.”  “Why not?” “Because no.” “Because no is not a reason. Give me three reasons.” “Because you don’t need it, I can’t afford it and the stores are closed.” “I do too need it, you can charge it, and you can order it online.”  “”You want it, that’s different from needing it, I still have to pay for things that I charge.”  “So you admit it’s only two reasons, since you can order it online?” “Yes.” “Well, I said three reasons, you lose.”  See?  … is so much simpler).
“Honey, guess what the missing tooth’s name is.”
“What are you talking about?”
“See, he’s missing a tooth. Guess what its name is.”
“Why does a missing tooth have a name?”
“You don’t name your teeth?”
“Dad, I’ll give you a hint.   It’s sort of like Chew.”
“I don’t know.”
“Come on, honey, guess.”
“That’s nothing like Chew. I’m going to give dad another hint: Think Star Wars.”
“Chew Wars?”
“Oh, that’s nice, look, I don’t know what the solution is and maybe Israel shouldn’t have gone into Gaza, but to call it Jew Wars-“
“I said Chew Wars.”
“Oh. That makes no sense.”
That makes no sense? And naming teeth makes sense?”

One year ago ...

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{ 46 comments… read them below or add one }

JLC January 4, 2009 at 11:51 pm


Is Husbandrinka really a boring, factual, unimaginative type person ? Or do you just portray him that way on your blog?


Charmaine January 5, 2009 at 4:17 am

I’m the first commenter.

I forgot what I was going to say because I am so proud of myself for being up at 3:27 am pacific standard time.

Why am I proud of having insomnia? No reason.

Today, at some point, I am going to say, “Jew Wars” to someone and then report back.


Vodka Mom January 5, 2009 at 4:49 am

YOur son is brilliant, but I think your husband has been living on Mars for WAY too long.


Jeanne January 5, 2009 at 5:35 am

I particularly like how, once you’ve gone through the annoyance of figuring out the tooth’s name, you so generously want to share the moment with Husbandrinka.

(By the way, one of the ads Google chose to place says “Layton abcessed tooth.” Apparently they names theirs, too. But just the bad ones.)


Cindy January 5, 2009 at 5:45 am

Gee, what do I say after the last two comments?

Can I come visit, so you’re humor might rub off on me 🙂


lisa January 5, 2009 at 5:49 am

How about explaining to your son that he can buy his own game with his tooth fairy money. I hear she takes American Express.


Smart A$$ Mom January 5, 2009 at 5:54 am

I suppose he doesn’t name his testicles, either?



Belle January 5, 2009 at 6:28 am

Men are so dumb
and boring
and useless (except for carrying shopping bags)


*Akilah Sakai* January 5, 2009 at 6:42 am

Your son is too much! I’ve never heard of naming teeth, but that really is the perfect name for a tooth! Buy him the Wii game for being so creative! Ha!

Chew Wars?! I would have died laughing.


ShallowGal January 5, 2009 at 6:45 am

How big is your apartment that you had that entire conversation while walking to find Husbandrinka? Were you in the East wing and he was in the Solarium?

xoxo, SG


jen January 5, 2009 at 7:44 am

my daughter will pull the same
oh, but i miss her (because everything of her’s must be feminine) so much! she was the best tooth ever!) … (and no, that wasn’t me walking across the room) but it will be so much more dramatic.
and my husband will respond the same way.
just making you feel a little less alone … one comment at a time.


Immoral Matriarch January 5, 2009 at 8:01 am

Your kid’s logic is astounding. And um, he’s totally right BTW. You lost. You owe him a video game.

Just sayin’…


Nicole January 5, 2009 at 8:04 am

My kid never named his teeth but I still have two more to go and I’m sure they will have a chance to name lost teeth! My middle child is all about Star Wars! Chewbaca, that is so funny!


blognut January 5, 2009 at 8:13 am

Is this a boy thing? My son (aka The Boy) names his teeth and seems to assign specific personality traits to them. That never happened with my girls.


Melissa January 5, 2009 at 8:21 am

If there was any doubt to his parentage, it’s gone now. 🙂

My son names the mice before he feeds them to the snake. Not his teeth though. That’s weird. 🙂


Irish Gumbo January 5, 2009 at 8:23 am

I see the lad has you wriggling in the crushing grip of reason. So does he get the game?

And “Jew Wars” – that’s a conversation stopper that will probably end up as a video game in its own right! HA!


WA January 5, 2009 at 8:32 am

I don’t know why, but this made me think of Chuck Norris’ arms, Truth and Justice.


Heinous January 5, 2009 at 9:44 am

I can’t remember that many names. The curse of too many teeth…


Seeker January 5, 2009 at 9:54 am

You are going to have to start exercising your brain to work faster so you can stay ahead of your son…he’s a quick little thing isn’t he. You are going to lose lots of bets with him if you don’t. Too funny….


Always Home and Uncool January 5, 2009 at 10:11 am

Naming his penis is only a short hop away.


Ann's Rants January 5, 2009 at 11:05 am

Chew Wars? WTF!


Kristine January 5, 2009 at 11:14 am

I don’t want to alarm you, but I think somethig might be wrong with your husband’s brain.


Kirsten / Mama Ginger Tree January 5, 2009 at 11:33 am

I once had a bunny named Chewbacca. He was the worst bunny ever. I finally gave him away after he bit me for the 1000th time.

But it’s a great name for a tooth.


Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy January 5, 2009 at 11:59 am

Naming teeth totally makes sense. And Chewbacca is a kick-ass tooth name, for the record.


Nyxmyst January 5, 2009 at 12:09 pm

So, bets on how long until her son gets that video game? 😉


Domestic Goddess (In Training) January 5, 2009 at 12:37 pm

My stepdaughter named her lost teeth, too! At the time I asked everyone I knew if they or their children did that and they all acted like my stepdaughter was nuts. Apparently your son has the same disease. Although, her teeth were named “Sally” or something equally hard to guess.


Imogen Lamport January 5, 2009 at 12:41 pm

More proof that women are just smarter


OHmommy January 5, 2009 at 12:47 pm

Yup… totally proof that women are way smarter.


Deb January 5, 2009 at 12:49 pm

When I get old and start to lose teeth, I am totally naming them. Except for naming them cute age appropriate names, I’ll probably have lost my marbles and name them things like “fartface”, “dumbass”, and “f-you.”

I know, I’m charming.


hokgardner January 5, 2009 at 12:50 pm

My girls haven’t starting naming their teeth, but I’m sure that’s next. Right now they write letters to the tooth fairy and ask for a response, which is taxing the tooth fairy’s creativity, and handwriting.


Elisa January 5, 2009 at 12:54 pm

Your son is way too smart, you are in so much trouble! Sarah has that stupid game, let’s have a playdate so I have an excuse to come in to the city and your son can play with Sonic and hopefully get Sarah hooked onto StarWars 😉


heartatpreschool January 5, 2009 at 4:05 pm

I hope my kids name their teeth. I would love that. Maybe I’ll suggest it.


HoodChick January 5, 2009 at 5:27 pm

Hilarious! If I had read this before I went to the dentist today I would have ripped off your sons tooth name.


anymommy January 5, 2009 at 5:40 pm

I would have guessed Chewbacca! I think Husbandrinka gets bumped for me. That works in NYC, right?

PS Treatment swallowed, all should be well by July. I swear.


K.Line January 5, 2009 at 7:06 pm

LOL! I can’t believe the kid even knows about Star Wars!


iMommy January 5, 2009 at 7:21 pm

You’ll have to remember that name when the tooth fairy drops off the money and receipt.

” 1 Baby Tooth, a.k.a ‘Chewbacca’ — $0.50 “


Threeboys1mommy January 5, 2009 at 9:42 pm

I would have said R2Dtooth.


bernthis January 5, 2009 at 11:43 pm

Better than having a daughter who names her breasts….okay not better.


Robin January 5, 2009 at 11:55 pm

you’re funny. you make me laugh. just trust me when i say that doesn’t happen much these days.

keep on posting…….and i’ll keep on reading.

i can only imagine how thrilled that must make you.


Heather January 6, 2009 at 12:15 am

Chew wars? Really? Did he watch Star Wars? That was pretty funny!


Andy January 6, 2009 at 7:41 am

Wait, I'm supposed to name my teeth now? Too much pressure. Captain Bites? Tooth&Nail?

Anyway- I've bestowed something on you- stop by to find out what.


the mama bird diaries January 6, 2009 at 10:23 am

Chewbaca is such a clever tooth name! You’ve got a genius on your hands over there.


St. Fairsted Farm January 7, 2009 at 10:52 am

I just found you. You’re stories are hilarious! I’ll be back here again.


Z January 8, 2009 at 7:19 am

So did your son get the game, given the fact that you “lost” ??? 🙂


Marinka January 11, 2009 at 9:00 pm

3boys1mommy–my son now has another loose tooth and I suggested that he name him R2Dtooth and he couldn’t stop laughing. Obviously, I took full credit for it, but now I feel guilty, so I’m telling you! hee!


Threeboys1mommy January 17, 2009 at 12:26 am

r2dtooth is MINE!

That was a shady move Marinka, but it does helps confirm my latest theory- Marinka is one of the Real Housewife’s of NY! The Countess maybe? I’ll figure it out.


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