“Of course,” she said so quickly that I had to assume that Clooney had been on a decades-long campaign badgering her left and right to let him know the second there was a sign that I may be back on the market.
“Really?” I asked, a little stunned at such an immediate response.
“Done!” She said and I prepared for my new life as Mrs. Clooney.
But then I started thinking. Because despite his considerable charm, and OKish looks, George Clooney is not really my type. I mean, he seems like a nice guy and everything, but I don’t know. He jets around too much for my taste. Like Lake Como is a real thing with him. Will he agree that we will not leave the United States during Bachelor season? I don’t want to have THAT discussion down the line.
And then the whole Sudan thing. I don’t know the details, but he seems to be upset with the warlords or something? Who can keep track. On the one hand, I’m all for philanthropy (when it’s other people’s money). On the other, I don’t want to be in a relationship that puts me on the wrong side of a warlord. And more than one, apparently.
“Maybe this isn’t such a hot idea,” I told my friend. I could tell she was dreading breaking the news to Clooney.
I proceeded to live my life, which is completely satisfying and full of meaning and not just because The Bachelor is back and ABC is celebrating the fact that the Bachelor’s name is Juan Pablo by calling this month Juan-uary.
But then my non-George Clooney knowing friend, Amy (everyone has one of those, right?) mentioned that there was a contest to win a date with George and I was like “come on.” How obvious can he get? Try subtlety, George. It’s called ACTING for a reason.
Apparently there’s some kind of a “fundraiser” where you can win a date with George. Does he think I was born yesterday? Gee, I wonder who the “winner” of this will be.
I decided not to enter the contest. I really think it’s for the best. But I do wish him the best of luck. And you should probably enter. Maybe you’ll be able to take his mind off me.
Unrelated note: I am reading and absolutely loving Gary Shteyngart’s Little Failure. It’s fantastic and very funny. I’ll say more about it soon, but in the meantime, you should get it and read it. He’s from Leningrad, just like I am, so it will be just like reading my book! (aff link).
One year ago ...
- Things My 13 Year Old Daughter Explained To Me On The Drive From My Sanity To The Catskills on Friday Afternoon - 2012