Happy Birthday Rage

by Marinka on December 22, 2010

Know what I’m really bad at?

Besides following that rule that forbids ending a sentence with a preposition, I mean.

Remembering people’s birthdays. Not my children’s, of course, because apparently once someone has been ejected from my body, that date stays with me.

But the people whom I did not birth? Problem.

I have three good friends and we all email each other constantly. Except they totally ganged up on me and all have birthdays in December.

And I have no idea when in December.

So every December I email P.K. to ask when Jon’s birthday is, email Susan to ask when P.K.’s birthday is and email Jon to ask when Susan’s birthday is. You’d think that after years of this they’d send me unsolicited reminders, but some people are so passive aggressive.

Yesterday, I emailed P.K. to ask when Jon’s birthday will be and she writes back more appropriately, you should have asked when WAS Jon’s birthday. It was December 15th.

Great. Through no fault of my own, I missed Jon’s birthday. Which of course leads to the inevitable I’m sorry I missed your birthday email. Which I sent this morning:

so sorry that I forgot your birthday, and I know I did it last year too. It’s all my fault, please don’t blame yourself for being born on the wrong day. My problem is that I don’t write the dates down. Because I’m a moron. But happy, happy birthmonth! I bet it’s hard to share it with Jesus.

(btw, when are P.K.’s and Susan’s birthdays?!)

As you can see, I’m the real victim here.

And if you’re wondering why don’t I just write this stuff down, it’s because I’m superstitious. Like I’ll write the date down for the next year and then one of us will die and the writing it down will be for naught. Because that’s the real tragedy of a sudden death, the wasted effort of having jotted down a date. But the way I see it, I’m saving lives. And isn’t the gift of life the best one that I can give to my friends?

So, happy birthday Jon, Susan and P.K.! And you’re so welcome!

One year ago ...

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{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

alexandra
Twitter:
December 22, 2010 at 10:32 am

Now I’m feeling guilty.

Thank you.

Reply

Megan December 22, 2010 at 10:35 am

I can never remember any of my in-laws’ birthdays. I blame my husband for never making a list of them. It’s easier that way.

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magpie December 22, 2010 at 11:05 am

Did you know that it was my birthday in December too? Next week. You haven’t missed it. Yet. 🙂

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Lindsay December 22, 2010 at 12:20 pm

I never remember birthday either… and if you remember your kids’ birthdays, you’ve got a one-up on my parents. They’ve forgotten mine a couple of times… Nothing like a hastily thrown together balloon and house plant from Wal-mart at 10:00 at night to say, “We totally forgot today was your birthday until the day was just about over. Our bad.”

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Roxanne December 22, 2010 at 12:29 pm

I’m really good at remembering birthdays.

It’s the sending cards out before the day after the birthday that is my problem.

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Elizabeth December 22, 2010 at 1:33 pm

I hate when people call to wish me a Happy Birthday. It’s because I’m absolutely sure that they are doing it to make me feel guilty for forgetting theirs.

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Tess Jones
Twitter:
December 22, 2010 at 2:16 pm

I JUST posted on my friend’s Facebook page that I am the worst friend, yet again. I can never remember anyone’s BDay! Or not in time anyway! But the feeling like it’s soon and wondering if I missed it constantly takes up precious space in my brain.

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Jonathan December 22, 2010 at 3:15 pm

LOL that is our cross to bear (no pun intended) for sharing birthmonth with Jesus cause everyone concentrates on that, or worse, combines our birthday and Christmas gifts!! But thank you! For your birthday, I’m going to give you one of those countdown clocks to my birthday!

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Heather
Twitter:
December 22, 2010 at 4:05 pm

Hey, at least you now have Jon’s birthday written down on your blog. So next year when you forget, you can search your blog archives on Dec. 21st, and find out you missed his birthday without pointing out to other friends that you suck at calendars.

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Mwa (Lost in Translation) December 22, 2010 at 4:10 pm

I love this post! I’m too crappy at all this stuff as well. So crappy that my best friend used to phone me up to remind me that her birthday was coming up. So crappy that I have forgotten MY OWN birthday.

You are not alone.

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
December 22, 2010 at 4:36 pm

Just a head’s up. Jesus’ birthday is on Dec. 25th.

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annie December 22, 2010 at 6:18 pm

Um, I think PK’s birthday is today. Just sayin’

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kalisah
Twitter:
December 22, 2010 at 6:18 pm

My mother-in-law used to write “G-d willing” next to everyone’s birthday on her calendar. May she rest in peace.

Reply

elizabeth-flourish in progress
Twitter:
December 22, 2010 at 8:18 pm

My birthday is Sept 1. I will send you a reminder the week before so you can wish me a Happy Birthday properly.

I thought my husband’s birthday was in April for three years. When he told me it was in March, I argued with him and told him I was pretty sure i was right.

We are still married. I don’t know why.

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P.K. December 22, 2010 at 8:33 pm

Guess what I gave myself today for my birthday? A nap! It was super yummy!

And Marinka, your everyday friendship is birthday gift enough for me. You know, since you selfishly refuse to send cash.

(Hey, who’s Annie, and how come she knows my birthday?)

Reply

GrandeMocha
Twitter:
December 22, 2010 at 9:16 pm

I have all the dates in my calendar in my Blackberry. It prompts me the day before. I look so organized. Facebook tells which friends have birthdays in the next week. Also, most people have their birthday listed on their Facebook page.

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KINGOFNEWYORKHACKS
Twitter:
December 22, 2010 at 9:25 pm

…and don’t forget the kid who will be the first born at the stroke of midnight to win an IPAD or something on New Years ! LOL I say everyday is a birthday , Happy Birthday Marinka !! 😛

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anna see December 23, 2010 at 1:56 pm

I can’t (don’t) remember anyone’s bday. Also, I’m with you on the superstition. I want us all to be around for our next birthdays.

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Lady Jennie December 25, 2010 at 2:09 pm

I am so veery lousy with birthdays. But once in awhile a random friend’s date sticks and then I never forget it.

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Braja December 25, 2010 at 9:40 pm

Your logic is priceless.
Which is great cos it means there’s no point giving you any money because it will NEVER come close to reaching the true value of what you should be given. See that? Brilliant logic. Twins, you and me, separated at birth…..

Reply

Jessica December 26, 2010 at 11:22 am

Saw your name on Vodka Mom’s blog. I really only read hers. I’ve tried to read others but I don’t like them. I do like Finslippy but sometimes there are too many words. I’m in NYC so I clicked on Motherhood in NYC expecting to hate you. I said to myself, “self, you’re going to hate HER! Why are you clicking?” Then I responded to myself, “because I want to laugh at a yuppy’s take on what it means to be a parent in NY. I want to read about organic, trendy, “aren’t I so clever” recipes/clothes.” And then….
I didn’t hate you. I just got finished reading this birthday post and thought “Did I write this??” Then I realized that I didn’t. That’s when I called the police to let them know you have cameras in my house so you can write about my life. They’ll be in touch. And I’ll be reading- but not because I like you. Just to keep tabs on you.

Reply

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