by Marinka on March 2, 2011

What, me?

Oh, nothing. I’m okay. Nope, nothing’s wrong. DON’T LOOK IN THAT CABINET!

Haha, no, that’s fine, I was kidding.

GET AWAY FROM THE CABINET, I WASN’T KIDDING! I thought it if I said that I were kidding, you’d lose all interest in the cabinet, how was I supposed to know how your criminally insane mind works?!

Okay, I need your help. You’ve let me down before (remember the Amazon wish list incident of ChristmasHannuka 2010? Why don’t they just call it the Amazon List of Shit You’ll Never Get? That way we’d all just put herpes on it and move on with our lives) but I’m willing to give you another chance.

Here’s the story: Mama gave me a beautiful bowl. It’s white and ceramic and you can serve chips, guacamole and salsa in it. It’s very lovely.

Except someone broke into our apartment and stole it. I tried to fight them, of course, but they tied me up and forced me to watch The View.

Fine, it fell. And chipped. And did I mention the part where mama bought it for me?

So I stuffed it back into the cabinet while I figure out what to do.

I have a few choices:

1. Find a safehouse.

2. Program my mind, like Charlie Sheen, to heal the bowl.

3. Buy another bowl like it.

I’m leaning towards 3, because I’m worried that safehouses come with passwords that I’ll need to remember and because I don’t have any of that tiger blood/Adonis DNA that Charlie boasts.

So, please. If you’ve seen this bowl anywhere, let me know. It has some ancient etchings on the bottom, “Mayans c. 1500 B.C.” if that helps. (Translated into English, though, it says: CEARIAT)

Please help.

Because if mama sees that the bowl that she gave me is chipped, it will not end well for anyone.

I need to right this wrong before Cinco de Mayo. Or Fiftho of Marcho.


One year ago ...

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{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

Beatriz March 2, 2011 at 12:14 am

The brand is actually ceriarte, but I don’t know where you can get it in the US….


Beatriz March 2, 2011 at 12:15 am

Oops, I meant ceriart!


March 2, 2011 at 12:31 am

….is this another thinly disguised cry for guest bloggers??


The Flying Chalupa
March 2, 2011 at 11:28 pm

Dude, we are so in. Marinka needs all the help she can get when Mama finds out about the bowl.


Denise March 2, 2011 at 12:39 am

I’m not quite sure why, but I just did some poking around online looking for a replacement and I came up empty handed. It sure is cute. Any chance she would’ve picked it up at a place like HomeGoods?


reiven March 2, 2011 at 1:35 am
Hallie March 2, 2011 at 5:47 am

How about asking your mother where she bought, under disguise that a friend of yours really loved it and wants to know where she can get one?

That way you can find out where to buy a replacement without fretting for weeks that your Mama will come on a surprise visit and have your scalp for chipping it 🙂


Kimberly March 2, 2011 at 8:47 am

Mama does not read blog?


Awesome dude March 2, 2011 at 10:29 am

General Szhwartzcopff should be called out from retirement to protect you 24/7.


Joie March 2, 2011 at 2:52 pm

I think you are right Awesome Dude…hopefully you won’t tell mama, right?! 🙂


Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up) March 2, 2011 at 10:36 am

Replacements is in Greensboro, NC. that’s what they’re there for. Call them and i promise you that they’ll have the plate. In other news, you must really miss me or you wouldn’t have asked for my advice.


March 2, 2011 at 11:47 am
In case you want to contact them in Portugal. Their site does come up in English and even has a cute, talking plate on it that looks kinda gay, so maybe you’re in luck.


Phoenix Rising
March 2, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Breaking beautiful bowl from Mama is NOT winning. Charlie would be disappointed. Good luck on the quest!


March 2, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Is there anyone you would like Mama to torture for you? Like could you tell her that Charlie Sheen borrowed the bowl? Or maybe Elizabeth Hasselbeck?


March 2, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Charlie here. I’m concentrating on the bowl and putting the porcelain back into place as I type this. Now I have to go swap syphilis with some strippers. This Adonis DNA isn’t gonna spread itself.
The bowl is fixed now and I’m a winner.


March 2, 2011 at 10:15 pm

You eat guacamole?


The Flying Chalupa
March 2, 2011 at 11:31 pm

I got nothing for you. Sorry. But judging from the comments and the help you’re getting, you might not need Norman Howeveryouspellhisname.


Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him
March 3, 2011 at 7:26 pm

I think you should invite Charlie over for some chips and guac – you are speaking on Twitter now – and say something about his old show producer so he goes into a rage and breaks every plate in your kitchen. Then you’ll not have the problem of one standout broken plate!


pam March 3, 2011 at 7:47 pm

This is off now but you might contact them and find out if they have more or where they got it.


marina March 4, 2011 at 4:14 am

tell her the truth


magpie March 4, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Break into Mama’s credit card account and find out where she’s been shopping?


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