Next month Mama and my 15 year old daughter are going on a two week trip to Scandinavia and Russia. They are both really looking forward to it, and my son is planning some sort of Unfairness Litigation against them since he is being Left Behind. They’ll probably seek Snowden-type asylum in Russia to avoid the legal proceedings back in the States. I’ll be following that story closely as it develops and will be bringing you news as it breaks.
But in the meantime, I have been studying the brochure that the travel company sent them and it’s jam packed with tips! For example, there is this gem:
If you will be using the TV in your hotel room, please be aware that sex shows are easily accessible; parental discretion is advised.
Is it me, or is anyone else trying to figure out why anyone would leave the damn hotel room and sightsee? It’s not like you can’t watch videos about Copehnagen on YouTube! It’s just as good as being there!
I also enjoyed this advice:
If you have any problem with a hotel room: please report the matter diplomatically to Reception (politeness, a smile and a thank-you work wonders the world over!)
You know what else works wonders the world over? Waving your U.S. passport and screaming that as an American, it is your duty to report the outrage of only two pillows per person to Obama and maybe Hilary Clinton and unless the Reception wants to prepare to receive some Shock and Awe, there will be mints on that third pillow as well! Although I agree that a maniacal smile does work wonders in this situation.
But my very favorite is this:
Let us read together to better enjoy the wisdom!
Mid-summer advice: drink at least a liter (two pints) of mineral water daily if you can (carry a small bottle in your hand luggage); avoid eating too much ice cream and reduce ice in drinks.
Ok, so I have some questions.
I understand that you have to stay hydrated and I assume they’re pushing the mineral water because tap water is not safe to drink and/or they’re getting some sort of a kickback from the mineral water lobby.
And I think the advice not to pack your water bottle at the bottom of your left behind suitcase is solid.
But what’s with the ice cream ration?! Do they worry that people consider ice cream a hydration substitute? Was there a bad experience on a previous tour? Also what’s the measure of too much ice cream?
Seriously, this is so stressful. I bet if it weren’t for the easily accessible sex shows, no one would ever go.