Nipple Confusion

by Marinka on April 26, 2012

When I was a freshman in college, one of the women on my floor (she was the same age as I was, but I went to an all women’s college and as budding feminists we referred to ourselves as women on good days, or wymyn on less good days) told me that she detested the sound of the word nipple.  I was half “right on!” and half “what the fuck?” because it’s not like we were discussing nipples or about to breastfeed or go pasties shopping or anything like that.

But she thought it was important that I knew that and I just thanked my lucky stars that I didn’t have any word aversions that I felt compelled to force on people.

Hold that story in a special place, if you will.

* * *

I bought a new dress this week.  It’s blue and has a white paisley design. Or maybe it’s white and has a blue paisley design– I avoided looking at it too closely because it gave me a mild case of vertigo.

 

Screen Shot 2012 04 25 at 9.04.19 PM Nipple Confusion

Not Me.

I liked the dress but couldn’t shake the feeling that it was making me look a little..what’s the word? Upholstered.  So I modeled it for Mama, which is really an Extreme Sport.

Mama liked it. “It’s nice,” she said, but added lovingly,  “you need new bra. Your bra takes your sosok at level of your elbow and your sosok should be at the level of your bicep.”

Ok, two things.

I can’t believe that the Russian word for nipple is sosok which, both loosely and literally translated, means That Thing You Suck.

Gross.

And second of all, my nipple is totally aligned with my bicep, or at least that area where a bicep should be.

This is why no one should wear any clothes, ever.

 

Image source

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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Jen at PIWTPITT
Twitter:
April 26, 2012 at 12:15 am

Very funny story. I loved it. My sosok is definitely level with my elbow and I could use a good bra to get it back where it belongs.

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Peajaye
Twitter:
April 26, 2012 at 1:00 am

As a true feminist, shouldn’t your first sentence start: “When I was a freshWOman in college”…?

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Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes April 26, 2012 at 2:12 am

Russian, such a beautifull language….

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Deborah J April 26, 2012 at 4:26 am

Ok, confess. How many of us just did that measurement…sosok to whatever?
I’d type more but I have to hitch my bra up.

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Olga
Twitter:
April 26, 2012 at 11:51 am

Haha, guilty as charged! By to my defense I have a very active nursling so sosok should spring back after weaning, right? Right?????

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Tracy Beckerman April 26, 2012 at 8:49 am

Now you are going to think I have nipple issues, but one of my pet peeves is when a woman’s nipples are visible through her shirt and they DON’T LINE UP. I really don’t care whether they are down by her bely button or up by her elbows, but I think they should be parallel. How hard is it to look in the mirror and make sure your headlights are pointed in the same direction. Or maybe it’s just me…

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edrinka April 26, 2012 at 9:12 am

Hmm. Better than the German word for nipple: Brustwarze, lit. breast wart.

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Marinka April 26, 2012 at 12:04 pm

The Germans always have to one-up the Russians, don’t they? ::shaking fist::

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tracy@sellabitmum
Twitter:
April 26, 2012 at 9:32 am

I love that dress!

My 2 year old points at her ankle and says “see my nipple!” – so just be thankful that your nipples aren’t that low.

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Marta
Twitter:
April 26, 2012 at 9:36 am

Yeah it’s sutek in Polish. Maybe there’s just not enough sucking going on in America?

You could lead a revolution with your perfectly aligned ones. =)

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Olga
Twitter:
April 26, 2012 at 12:00 pm

what a clever point! We should bring this to La Leche League’s attention )

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dusty earth mother April 26, 2012 at 4:03 pm

In French, it’s “mamelon”, which kind of sounds like your nipples are sagging down into the grass.

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
April 26, 2012 at 9:07 pm

I could totally see you in that dress. Let’s post a picture and we’ll all decide what we think. I’m positively sure it looks great on you.

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Lady Jennie April 27, 2012 at 4:20 pm

I love your mom.

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Becky
Twitter:
April 27, 2012 at 4:50 pm

What’s the Russian word for navel? Some days, that’s what my sosoks line up with.

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Alexandra April 27, 2012 at 8:26 pm

OR you can say breasticles, as we do in our home.

That dress makes me feel like I’m on an an Alfred Hitchcock episode.

You are getting sleepy…..

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Suebob
Twitter:
May 8, 2012 at 3:58 pm

As a child, I used to be fascinated by the cartoon Beetle Bailey, which featured a dim bulb but hot secretary named, predictably enough “Miss Buxley.” She was drawn with her breasts right under her chin, which meant her sosok was about armpit-level.

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