Yesterday, my son pulled out a loose tooth and when he came out I momentarily thought that he had the lead role in the oral remake of Carrie.
“What’s with all the blood?” I shrieked because unlike vampires, I’m not really into blood.
“I pulled my tooth out,” he told me. And then he handed it to me, for no apparent reason.
“Can I have $5?” he asked, which I guess means there was a reason, but if you think I’m going to go and edit that sentence, you know me not at all. Blogging without a net, right here, ladies and gentlemen.
By the way, is $5 per tooth still the going rate? It was back in 2009 when he started this whole tooth-losing nonsense but I’m just not sure how Obamacare plays into the whole thing.
And then last night, as he was getting ready to go to sleep, he said “I just hate the empty space.” And I thought “MY SON IS A PHILOSOPHER AND VERY DEEP AND PHILOSOPHERS TOTALLY MAKE A LOT OF MONEY, RIGHT?” But because you’re not supposed to scream things like that out, I said instead: “Oh?”
So he explained that he was referring to the empty space that his tooth left, because it felt weird. Good luck to him if he’s trying to get some kiddie dentures out of me. Eventually he fell asleep, toothless.
In the morning I ran this whole thing by my daughter. She lived through tooth loss more recently than I have, so I was curious about her perspective.
“It’s terrible,” she said. “You spend so much time wiggling the tooth and then one day it’s just gone and you don’t know what to do.”
It’s not for kids.
Note from Marinka (which is somehow different from the blog post right above it, also by Marinka): I haven’t updated this blog for weeks, which is very unlike me, for I’m very blathery. But every time I started a post, it felt false, because there’s something on my mind and I’ve decided not to blog about it, and as comfortable as I am with my decision, it’s the whole elephant in the room thing–do I mention it, do I blog around it, do I contact the local zoo to see if they’re missing an elephant, should I name it and pray that it doesn’t have a peanut allergy? Do elephants get peanut allergies? Or is it a stereotype that elephants love peanuts? So let me just get it over with. I’m getting a divorce but we are all ok. And I need to leave it at that. I mean, obviously you’ll probably want to send me gifts and tons of jewelry (remember my deathly allergy to anything semi-precious!) and I suppose I’ll have to set up a depository to receive it all, but that’s what the youngsters are calling “tomorrow’s problem!”
So now that that’s out of the way, I’m hoping that I will be able to get back to humor blogging. Thanks for reading. And for the gifts, obviously. You shouldn’t have.