Oven Mitt

by Marinka on June 18, 2010

This is my oven mitt.

Hi! I'm Marinka's oven mitt. Nice to meet you.

Can you spot its fatal flaw, its Achilles’ Heel?

I’ll give you a hint:  The oven mitt thumb is burned off.

It happened a while ago.  When I turned on the stove and then left the oven mitt unattended near it.

And now, it’s thumbless.

And when I pick up hot things, like tonight’s chicken parmigiana out of the oven, it burns my thumb.

Are you wondering why I don’t just go to a store and buy a new one?

Valid question.

The reason is that the thought of going to a store and buying an oven mitt is really depressing me. Like my life isn’t domestic enough without having to put the proverbial cherry on top and getting an oven mitt.

And that’s not exactly something that I can ask for as a gift, you know.

Because how depressing is it to get an oven mitt?

Besides there are perks to my old faithful mitt.  My thumb print is almost completely burned off, so I’ll be able to start a life of crime shortly.

But if I were walking down the street and saw the oven mitt of my dreams walking towards me, I’d totally get it.  Because then it would be fate.

_________________________

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Guess what? I’m guest posting at Aunt Becky’s.  She gave me some kind of a mathematical formula to calculate the time that my post will be up on her site, or maybe to disprove the theory of relativity, I’m not really sure.  But please check there constantly throughout the day.  Because I’m discussing a really important topic:  If someone’s having a dinner party, shouldn’t they let you know in advance if one of the other guests is a dwarf?

And finally, for a perfect summer read, check out our giveaway on The Mouthy Housewives!

One year ago ...

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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Loukia June 18, 2010 at 12:32 am

Oh your poor thumb! And I agree. Buying a new oven mitt for yourself is depressing. Maybe you’ll get a new one next Mother’s Day? 😉
Speaking of Achilles, that’s the story I told my 4 year old about yesterday and today. Huh.
Oh and to make you feel better, once I took
a pan of pizza out of the oven, wearing one oven mitt, then transferred it to my other, mitt-less hand. Oh, the pain! And the burns! (The pizza wad good, though!)

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apathy lounge June 18, 2010 at 7:17 am

An oven mitt, although important, isn’t exactly a glamor item and not something you keep in the forefront of your mind when shopping for essentials. I can see how it might have slipped your minds up until now. However, it does mean you get to visit Target and do a little impulse buying. This always works for me. I wonder what types of successful crimes could be pulled off using only one thumb.

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Sophie@Fabrications June 18, 2010 at 7:46 am

I think all my oven mitts and them square thingies have burns on them. That’s how people know you’ve been working really hard in the kitchen.

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vodkamom June 18, 2010 at 8:03 am

The oven mitt? I’ve got its twin. They must have been separated at birth.

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Vicki
Twitter:
June 18, 2010 at 9:13 am

Have you considered patching the hole with the hardened remnants of Husbandrinka’s bagels?

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Kate Coveny Hood
Twitter:
June 18, 2010 at 10:06 am

Here’s a great opportunity to flex those social networking muscles. Any companies out there looking to sponsor an oven mitt?

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Marinka June 18, 2010 at 10:08 am

Great idea, Kate! I’m also looking for any companies out there who would be interested in sponsoring my fingerprint replacement surgery.

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empress bee (of the high sea) June 18, 2010 at 10:57 am

i’d just glue the thumb closed at the tip and no more burns! then you don’t have to bother with a new one. mine looks like yours by the way!

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

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Jen June 18, 2010 at 12:21 pm

You only have one oven mitt? I have, like, twelve. Is that weird?

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Awesome dude June 18, 2010 at 12:21 pm

An invalid lacking both arms escaped from the mental institution……

The police warning read: Unarmed, but very dangerous.

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Issa
Twitter:
June 18, 2010 at 12:56 pm

I can’t decide if I want to laugh at your flowery oven mit or cry because now I want chicken parmigiana.

Um, you could always order a new one. I mean it’s still lame, but no one has to know how lame it is. It could be anything in a box, ya know?

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Rima
Twitter:
June 18, 2010 at 1:26 pm

Do you want me to send you an oven mitt?

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anna see June 18, 2010 at 2:40 pm

I will send you mine. I don’t like using the oven.

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Heather, Queen of Shake Shake June 18, 2010 at 6:12 pm

Obviously your oven mitt tried to commit suicide, so none of this is your fault. In fact, you’re a hero because you saved it from itself.

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dusty earth mother June 18, 2010 at 11:11 pm

Oh, Marinka. ALL of my oven mitts look like that. Except I call them “potholders”. Which is swimming in irony, due to the fact that the thumblessness makes them virtually incapable of holding a pot.

Loved your post over at Aunt Becky’s, by the by. I certainly would have forewarned you.

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fuck yeah, motherhood!
Twitter:
June 19, 2010 at 1:21 am

Fantastic guest post. As payment for making me laugh, I owe you one oven mitt.

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tracey June 19, 2010 at 12:45 pm

And the whole damn point of the mitt is that it isn’t supposed to be as flammable, you know? So I’d think that a LITTLE exposure to an open flame should be tolerable. I mean, what are they made of, anyway? If the thumb can burn that easily, are we just fooling ourselves into believing that the entire mitt won’t go up in flames on our HANDS?

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Angelique June 19, 2010 at 9:19 pm

At the risk of showing you just how lame I really am, I’m going to introduce you to the “Ove Glove.”

http://amzn.com/B001EPR98Q

My mother-in-law bought us one for some kind of holiday one year and we thought, “Um … thanks. I guess.” And then we actually used it and we liked it so much that we went out and hunted for another one. I have lupus and my hands resemble those of a 98 year-old rather than a 28 year-old, so it’s hard for me to remove anything from an oven, let alone with a mitten on my hand. This is actually really cool. Also, husband does all of the grilling and he uses these when he grills outside, too. We’ll never use a regular pot holder again. You should totally order this and then you won’t have to worry about being embarrassed while shopping for pot holders. Now that I’ve put my lameness on display, please return to your regularly scheduled programming.

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Steph June 23, 2010 at 11:09 am

You need a grandma like mine. She makes oven mitts. Really cool ones, they are one big piece that have places for both your hands so they protect both hands and your arms. I love them! Also I have some knit ones my Granny made me. I probably never have to buy an oven mitt again. 🙂

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