Super Secret Topics That I Will Never Blog About, Ever

by Marinka on November 7, 2008

A few years ago I was having dinner at my favorite NYC restaurant. John makes fun of me because Husbandrinka and I always go there. And also because John makes fun of me always, for no good reason. It’s very painful. The restaurant is a block away from our house, so it’s convenient, it’s where we had our first date, so it’s romantical and it’s where Husbadrinka looked into my eyes once, when I was sure that he was going to propose and said, “You know, I’ve been thinking, and it’s really hard for me to understand The New York Times‘ attitude towards Israel,” so it’s chuck full of precious memories.

So, we were eating there and I see that Yoko Ono is sitting at the table next to us. She was there with her son and a younger woman who I guessed was the son’s girlfriend, but the only reason that I recognized Yoko was that she was wearing those enormous sunglasses. At night. Indoors.

I’m assuming that she wears them for the sake of privacy, to go unnoticed, so if none of her minions have the balls to tell her, I will. Wearing those sunglasses at night and indoors is exactly what makes you get noticed. It’s exactly what made me whisper to Husbadrinka “Yoko Ono, six o’clock” and he said, “What?” and I said “Ono, Yoko over there,” motioning to her table with my right eyelash, and he said, “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” and I had to stand on top of our table, naked, and bellow, “YOKO ONO IS SITTING OVER THERE WEARING SUNGLASSES, JESUS CHRIST, HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE HEARD ME?!” Seriously, you try doing that and not spill that martini. And all this could have been avoided if she just wore normal glasses like a regular person or if Husbandrinka attended any one of those telepathy for couples classes that I’m always trying to enroll us in.

I mention this because as I keep blogging, I’ve been wondering if there are any topics that are really off limits for me. I mean, there’s the usual, I won’t blog about work, the intimate details of my friends’ lives that I assume they wouldn’t want publicized and I’m trying to be sensitive to the fact that Husbandrinka is a private person. But I also wonder if identifying an “off limits” list is sort of like donning those Yoko Ono glasses.

Oh, what the hell, she looks great in them. And besides, aren’t we all attention whores?

So here is my list of Super Secret Topics That I Will Never Blog About, Ever, So Don’t Even Ask.

1. Anyone’s job. Except people who I don’t know and who do their job badly. Hello, Starbucks cashiers!

2. Sex. Except if I have something interesting to say about it. This excludes Porn Sunday, of course.

3. My children’s diaries. Because one doesn’t keep one and the other one keeps it locked up. But I’d like to think that I have enough integrity to respect other people’s privacy. (God, that looks pretty all written up like that).

4. Spanking. I’m talking about children, not perverts, here. Not that people who like to get spanked are perverts, mind you. I have had so many discussions about whether spanking is a good method of discipline and they never go well, so I’m not going there again. Unless I run out of stuff to blog about, and then I’m all over it.

5. Thermonuclear power. I have no idea what that is, so blogging about it would be awkward.

Other than that, I’m an open book. Which may not be the best news for the people that read this blog.

But I promise not to go all Yoko on you.

One year ago ...

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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

Andrea's Sweet Life November 7, 2008 at 6:18 pm

I’m not “allowed” to talk about disputes in my marriage – not that there are very many, but apparently since our employees read my blog, my husband thinks it would be awkward.

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Marinka November 7, 2008 at 6:21 pm

Andrea–Hello, guest blog post! Any time you’re ready!

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Real Live Lesbian November 7, 2008 at 6:33 pm

I think we should all swap blogs and talk about the good dirt! LOL

Yoko, please girl. Stop it with the “look at me” glasses!

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Frogs in my formula November 7, 2008 at 6:36 pm

I wasn’t expecting #5. It made me laugh out loud.

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Manager Mom November 7, 2008 at 7:05 pm

When I was still blogging, I wasn’t allowed to blog about how much I wanted my husband to get a vasectomy. But he never said anything about leaving it in a comment…

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Mama Ginger Tree November 7, 2008 at 7:39 pm

I just love that you have “Porn Sunday” and I have “Sunday’s Simple Pleasures.” It’s a nice balance for our mutual readers don’t you think?

I have some good ones for you on Sunday. I think I missed my calling.

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phd in yogurtry November 7, 2008 at 8:13 pm

My husband could care less what I blog about. Himself or otherwise. He is a “low control needs” type person (he had a psychologist tell him this). So I could blog about sex all day long. But then, he’s good and he knows it ; p

However, he is lousy at the subtle “look, don’t look” hints in public places. I might say, “ok, do NOT look when I tell you that at the table to your right..” and of course he immediately turns his head. Argh. He just doesn’t get it.

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Andrea's Sweet Life November 7, 2008 at 8:25 pm

Oh, Marinka, you sweet, sweet temptress. I’ll probably take you up on that!

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iMommy November 7, 2008 at 9:09 pm

My mother “found” my blog… so apparently even mentioning her name is off limits.
But I’m not bitter or anything…

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Sophie, Inzaburbs November 7, 2008 at 9:12 pm

Yoko Ono! Involuntary Eeeek!

I try not to blog about:
my parents or my inlaws (unless its nice),
sex,
my husband’s job,
the weirdo who scrawled anti-Obama comments all over the whiteboard before a meeting today especially for my husband to find,
whoops that one just slipped out,
the neighbors (they probably have guns),
guns,
people who are really incredibly ugly because I don’t want to hurt their feelings,
just about anything really.

My children, however – fair game.

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Heather November 7, 2008 at 11:22 pm

Thank god you are not getting rid of porn sunday!

As for the whispering and the eyelash motioning, my husband can understand that but doesn’t think the people can hear us and talks about them really loudly. Like when we were sitting in the back seat of his dad’s car and he is joking about the dent in the car with me (that his dad didn’t know about), when I opened the door into a telephone pole. I was trying to do the wide eyed, shut up if you say one more word and you will never have sex again, look and for some reason he didn’t get it. I think I actually punched him in the leg and he said “what?” and I did the eyelash motion to his dad and Nic said “Oh he won’t hear” and his dad said “hear what?”

Yes, he does it all the time, I think he thinks everyone is deaf!

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Kylie w Warszawie November 8, 2008 at 12:07 am

I do not blog about my in laws because they read my blog. I do not blog about things that I don’t want my in laws to know, because they read my blog.

I do not blog about my political views or other moral/ethical/religious things. My blog is not that serious.

I USUALLY will not blog about my children’s friends, unless they say something really funny (and of course, I always change their names and never post photos) or their mother has a blog of her own (Hello, Globetrekking MOM!).

That’s about it though.

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Vodka Mom November 8, 2008 at 5:14 am

yoko ono? YOKO ONO??? damn.

I’m trying to decide if there are things that I would never blog about……hmmmm….I’ll get back to you on that! 🙂

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Rachel November 8, 2008 at 9:56 am

A few years ago I saw John and Yoko at the grocery store.

Okay, so it was a tall man with long hair and a camo jacket and his asian girlfriend, but still… The likeness was eerie. I SO wish I would have snapped a picture!

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Madge November 8, 2008 at 10:47 am

and i’ve been stopping by every day just waiting for the thermonuclear energy post…… now where am i going to get that info?

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Kimberly November 8, 2008 at 12:26 pm

I’m trying to figure out what the most awkward thing to say to Yoko Ono would be if I met her, because sure as anything, it would come out of my mouth.

How about, “do you miss John?”, yes, I think that would do it.

I have had my share of awkard celebrity meetings, seeing as how Detroit is chock full of celebrities.

I once asked Kid Rock how often he washes his hair. Yes, I did.

I asked Bob Seger if he still smokes (while looking at his yellow teeth).

I didn’t say anything to Eminem (aka Slim Shady, Marshall Mathers) but I did look directly at his package.

I told Mitch Albom that he is shorter than I thought.

I asked Jeff Daniels who he was going to vote for (in 2000).

Some non-Detroiter meetings…

I think you remember the Fonzie Kiss from 1977… all I did was cry.

I asked Burle Ives why were there so many flys swarming around him.

Last summer, I told Sarah Jessica Parker that we have the same birthday. She did a really good job of pretending she cared.

That’s all for now, but I’m sure there are more. This is good therapy for me, thanks!

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Nilsa November 8, 2008 at 1:57 pm

And *this* is why you should participate in my BlogSecret event. Because then you can be a little naughty and anonymously write about something you would never post on your own blog. =)

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Andy November 9, 2008 at 7:01 am

I’m just wondering why you so frequently have conversations about spanking. That’s a lot of spank talk.

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heartatpreschool November 10, 2008 at 1:02 am

Ok, is it Yoko that I sometimes allude to something in my blog, but don’t/can’t give enough details for readers to know exactly what I’m talking about?

What do you think? Just a little interesting, or just plain frustrating?

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Kristine November 10, 2008 at 8:04 am

My husband doesn’t like me topost stuff that he finds embarassing, even if it’s not embarassing, just funny. He’s super sesitive about some stuff.

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Z November 12, 2008 at 7:52 am

EVERY time my husband sees someone wearing sunglasses indoors and/or at night, he makes a point of exclaiming “WOW! It’s really BRIGHT in here, huh?!?!” Which is… slightly embarrassing, oh yes.

Luckily (?!?!) none have been celebrities yet. Or at least, not ones I recognized 😉

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Lish November 14, 2008 at 2:43 pm

Maybe Yoko is hiding her face wrinkles?

Or preparing for the inevitable flashbulbs?

Or worried that if the flashbulbs go off, the pictures will display her face wrinkles?

I’m being serious. That would worry me. When I’m her age.

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