The Digestive System

by Marinka on September 20, 2011

Tonight at dinner, Young Ladrinka told us that they were studying the Digestive System in science. I’m a Democrat, and you won’t find me waging war on science any time soon, so I was naturally selected. I mean, naturally delighted.

“That’s wonderful!” I said, like the parenting articles say you’re supposed to so that the kids feel that you are interested in whatever the hell it is that they’re doing. “What did you learn?”

“Well, we learned the different stages of the digestion and then we did a play about it.”

“A play! How fantastic!”

“I wouldn’t say fantastic. I was the rectum.”

“A what?”



“All the better parts were taken.”

“What’s a better part?”

“Small intestine.”

“Why is small intestine better?”

“Oh my god, Mom. Anything is better that the place where you store poop.”

“I’m sorry you had the rectum.”

“At least I wasn’t the anus, like Andrew.”

“The anus is not the rectum?”

“The anus is where the poop comes out of when it’s ready. You should go back to the fifth grade and learn this stuff.”

Probably. Apparently I’m not smarter than a fifth grader.

One year ago ...

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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

Kirsten September 20, 2011 at 12:42 am

OMG that was funny.


September 20, 2011 at 12:54 am

And it could have been even worse – he could have been the sphincter.


Deb September 20, 2011 at 1:15 am

*Laugh* I don’t remember having that much fun in 5th grade!


ladyday September 20, 2011 at 1:23 am

Grandpop: Did you hear about the man who went up on the roof to fix his TV antenna? He fell of the roof and landed on a garden stake, it went right up his rectum.

Grandpop’s sidekick: Rectum? It damn near killed him!


Sophie@Fabrications September 20, 2011 at 1:55 am

I love mealtime conversations. My son is a big fan of digestive process reports over dinner. With strangers.


kimberly September 20, 2011 at 5:35 am

I still think anus and rectum are the same thing.


September 20, 2011 at 8:27 am

It’s been a long time, but I’m almost positive the only plays we had in 5th grade involved making paper pilgrim hats.


ChiTown Girl September 20, 2011 at 8:35 am

What shitty dinner conversation. 😉


September 20, 2011 at 9:15 am

Those teachers are mildly insane. Don’t they know that the rectum and anus parts will haunt those kids forever?


September 20, 2011 at 9:33 am

Well the teachers can blame themselves for the nicknames they’ll hear from now until the end of the school year.


Avitable September 20, 2011 at 9:34 am

In every class, someone’s always gotta be the asshole.


annie September 20, 2011 at 9:35 am

at least he knows where the rectum is located!! last year my daughter flunked her diagram test – partly because she “was just sure the rectum was in the front”. Wonder where she thinks her anus might be?


dusty earth mother September 20, 2011 at 11:21 am

That was hilarious. I have nothing else to say.


I'm So Fancy September 20, 2011 at 11:24 am

What teacher did that?!?! Hilarious.


Marinka September 20, 2011 at 11:34 am

You know what’s funny? Besides kids getting to be the small intestine and the anus and all that?

I swear, the kids are a lot less giggly about it than the adults. Like I talked about it to my son, about whether there was teasing and he said that there wasn’t because “like what, Mom? OOh, I’m the esophagus! And you’re the bowel!” And the bonus is that he now knows the digestive system.

It makes me think that the teacher is going about this exactly the right way and our Victorian attitudes of “don’t mention rectum in front of Grandma!” are not the way to go, you know?


awesome dude September 20, 2011 at 1:19 pm

They are going to start Genito-Urinary system next week. Am I right?


September 20, 2011 at 1:42 pm

““That’s wonderful!” I said, like the parenting articles say you’re supposed to so that the kids feel that you are interested in whatever the hell it is that they’re doing.”

That part right there? That almost made me spit New England clam chowder all over my computer monitor at work. I’m pretty sure I never would have lived it down if I’d spit out a mouth full of white soup while surrounded by people with dirty minds.

You almost made me have to quit my job.


September 20, 2011 at 4:27 pm

I would like to nominate a number of my in-laws for the part of anus, as they have already been playing the part for a number of years.


September 20, 2011 at 6:01 pm

My husband frequently tells me that I will have to do the homework alongside our children because I did not retain any of this information either. I’m sure I learned it but my brain had better information to store than the differences between rectum and anus. Like the difference between Chanel and Michael Kors or between Boudreaux’s Butt Paste and Destin.


the mama bird diaries
September 20, 2011 at 9:51 pm

That sounds like a terrible play.


September 20, 2011 at 11:39 pm

Two eggs on a raft. Rectum.

I used to wait on tables, can you tell?


reivenwolf September 21, 2011 at 12:50 am

Speaking of education -have you or awesome dude taken the kids to Liberty Park this weekend for the occupation of Wall Street? I bet it’s awesome right now!


Tinne from T and T September 21, 2011 at 7:55 am

American kids seem to have fun education systems, or maybe it just seems that way because I was taught by sadistic nuns…


September 21, 2011 at 9:36 am

I hope this is public school and you aren’t paying extra for your kid to be a rectum.


b a seagull
September 21, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Wiseanus kids can be such pains in the rectums.


Polish Mama on the Prairie
September 21, 2011 at 2:20 pm

I weep at the thought that my older daughter’s Catholic school will not likely be doing such activities as this. She is missing out, it seems.


MFA Mama
September 21, 2011 at 11:57 pm

OMG. Poor Andrew!


Lady Jennie September 26, 2011 at 7:08 am

I’m just astonished he was so mature about it. And also the teacher assigned people to be rectums. But he learned it so I’m quite impressed.


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