The Important Thing To Know About Me

by Marinka on February 8, 2012

The important thing to know about me is that when my 13 year old daughter left to go to New Orleans for a week long trip with her class, I was absolutely fine with it.

Why New Orleans is a fine, fine city and why shouldn’t she party? I mean, learn? I am certainly not one of those helicopter moms that everyone keeps reading about! And when the teacher said “no, Marinka, we do not need parent chaperons” and “no, not security detail, either, thanks, we’ll definitely keep you in mind” I got it in the spirit in which it was intended and I plan to have my legal team address the restraining order that’s been taken out against me.

But whatever.

They’re gone for a week and they’re allowed to phone home once a day, in the evening.

While still in NYC, my daughter told me that “unfortunately” she left her phone at the dacha.

“That’s too bad,” I said. “I guess we can buy you a cheapo phone for the trip.”

“Eh, that’s alright,” she reassured me. “It will be nice to get a break from you guys.”

OMG, how adorable and sweet!


She probably meant Husbandrinka. Or Nicki.

Besides, she told me, all her friends have phones and she’ll be able to borrow.

“Just call me every night,” I asked.

“Sure!” She said.

Let’s review.

Saturday night– she called! Everything’s great!

Sunday night– she called Husbandrinka (but close enough! she must have misdialed!) Everything’s great but one of her friends took a shower without the shower curtain and flooded the bathroom and there’s a Katrina-lite type of a situation going on, so gotta go, can’t talk, love you, bye!

Monday night– no call. I’m filled with worry and can’t sleep. Husbandrinka is the opposite of filled with worry and can’t sleep. I email the teacher, trying to sound casual and non-insane. Hi! Hope the trip is going well! I was wondering if you tell the kids to call home every night because I haven’t heard from my daughter and usually she’s the type to call me nonstop to seek out my wisdom and guidance! Yours in hoping that the restraining order doesn’t apply to emails, Marinka (This non-insane stuff is really hard! I don’t know how people do it!)

The teacher writes back informing me that the trip is going great and the kids have the option of calling their parents but do not have to.

So apparently, there has to be some kind of a court order in place before my Teenage Daughter deigns to call the Woman Who Gave Her Life.

Tuesday night– no call. But what’s this? A text! A text from a friend’s phone! Let’s read it together!

Hi, it’s me. We’ve been having dinner late so I can’t really call at a good time. The trip is going fine. Give a hug to Nicki and hi to everyone.

Unfortunately I’d had dinner with two of her classmates’ mothers that very night. And their daughters called them. So I can only guess that my daughter is being forced to eat after everyone else is, in the middle of the night.

Or she misses me so much that any it’s very painful for her to talk to me on the phone.

Those are the only possible explanations.

Will she call me tonight?


Stay tuned!

One year ago ...

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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Loukia February 8, 2012 at 12:52 pm

EEK! I’m totally freaking with you. For you. And I’m also havin an anxiety attack about what’s in store for me when my boys become 13 year olds. I’m pretty sure I am DOOMED and will need to be heavily medicated. OMG.


the mama bird diaries
February 8, 2012 at 12:54 pm

I think, given the situation, you are staying enormously calm. I mean, you haven’t flown down there yet. So I give you big props for that.


Catherine Dabels
February 8, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Bloody kids…….


deb February 8, 2012 at 3:22 pm

when we first sent my son to camp (at 9), we told him: spread your wings, have fun, don’t worry about us! He didn’t call, he didn’t write. So we changed our approach (preparing for the day when I’m 80, waiting around for a call from my grown son who has no time for me). Our new approach: it is your obligation to stay in touch with family, to let them know you’re ok. So every year, when my son goes to camp for 2 weeks, we get one post card. It says, “Dear Mom and Dad, Camp is fun.” That’s it. Every year. and he’s 14.


anymommy February 8, 2012 at 3:34 pm

You are a brave, brave woman. Also, I love that friend is missing the “r” on the second call night. Her fiend. So Freudian.


Marinka February 8, 2012 at 3:38 pm

It’s not missing a thing. You’re crazy.


February 8, 2012 at 4:21 pm

There are times I wonder what my mom would have blogged about when I was an asshole teenager. Here it is. Thank you.


Jeanne February 8, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Be proud of the fact that you’ve raised an autonomous young woman who doesn’t need your approval for her every move.

At least, that’s what I always told myself.


February 8, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Um yeah I might be getting on a plane when I heard that other kids had called. Like, not because I am a helicopter mom but because I would be so hurt and pissed she might be grounded and have to leave early. Not helicopter, but maybe I can be mean.

I love me some New Orleans and hope she’s having fun but also I hope she misses you terribly on the inside. Of course she does – we must tell ourselves this right?


Alyssa @NearNormalcy
February 8, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Well. I had to Google “dacha.” So now Google knows I don’t speak Russian. A fact I have been trying to keep secret for years, Marinka.

So thanks for that.


Awesome Dude February 8, 2012 at 6:20 pm

once I went to buy bread and came back 2 days later…..more to come.


Deborah J February 8, 2012 at 6:33 pm

I read an idea the other day by someone who was obviously really clever. To paraphrase it said that having children who want to become independant of us is our punishment, for all the times we’ve allowed ourselves to be annoyed by our own parents trying to hold on tight.

We just love them to death, want to keep them safe and are interested in their lives…and they’re trying to grow up…and away. The eternal struggle.

I have a seventeen year old, new to college who is being allowed a lot more freedom this year. This letting go is hard…but she’s a smart young adult and I will do it.
My rule is one text a day…..out of consideration, because I will worry otherwise. She thinks that’s fair.
She also thinks some of her friends parents are batshit crazy.


February 8, 2012 at 11:29 pm

“..a hug to Nicki” Are you sure she isn’t just calling Nicki and you are just not getting the messages? Damn cats.


February 9, 2012 at 12:22 am

So this whole dinner with parents of child’s classmates thing, is that like compulsory? Because Aliza just started preschool and I have a full social calendar as is…so….


Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes February 9, 2012 at 7:11 am

Have you considered getting a tracking device implanted under her skin? I would totally do that…


annie February 9, 2012 at 9:29 am

OMG! I didn’t do well with a 15yr old gone 3 days only 200 miles away. Restraining order be damned…i’d be in the restaurant across the street with sunglasses and a big hat!


Lady Jennie February 9, 2012 at 9:43 am

I’m sure she just doesn’t want to sob in front of her friends.


February 9, 2012 at 11:38 am

She’s just being a good friend and not trying to make them jealous of the amazing relationship she has with her mother that they can’t even fathom having. She’s very thoughtful.


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