Top Thoughts About the Balloon Boy

by Marinka on October 17, 2009

* How long before we have a new song: Where Were You When The World Stopped Spinning And Started Watching What Looked Like A Tin Foil Chef’s Hat Floating Through the Air?

* By the way, how big is Colorado? Shouldn’t that thing have been in Mexico after three hours of floating?

* Thank you, Falcon’s parents for making me feel like a fantastic mom. Because my kids have never hidden in the attic while there was a nationwide hunt for them. Although admittedly, we don’t have an attic.

* If you name your kid FALCON, don’t be shocked if at some point he’s airborne. That’s why my kids have practical names like Playing Wii and Couch Potato.

* I live in an apartment building, so are garage attics a common phenomenon? I suspect that the authorities didn’t find him because they didn’t know that this space existed.

* To win over public support, Falcon should be Anne Frank for Halloween. He already has the whole hiding in the attic thing down.

* Although the mother did say that they checked small drawers for Falcon. Yes, the silverware tray was my first thought too.

* Is anyone investigating the father’s bowl haircut?

* I watched this family on Wife Swap so I’m like a total expert on them.

* Husbandrinka doesn’t give a shit about this whole story and wasn’t aware that I watch stuff like Wife Swap.

* I spent way too long explaining the concept of Wife Swap to my kids last night.

* And helping them download an application.

* When Falcon was still Not Found, I was interviewed by and quoted as saying that if I had one of those balloon things in my backyard, I’d have either it or my children tethered to the ground at all times, possibly both. Just as I was enjoying my new fame and fortune, Falcon was found and the story was no longer relevant and was replaced. In other word, Falcon ruined my life.

* I love all the Falcon neighbor interviews where they say that they’re a great family. You can tell that all the neighbors are terrified of the freaky family and don’t want to be killed by them when they inevitably snap.

* And to everyone on Twitter who thought it was inappropriate and insensitive to laugh at this situation before the boy was found alive and well: next time, trust me. I’m very intuitive.

One year ago ...

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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Maureen@IslandRoar October 17, 2009 at 4:16 pm

I saw them on “Wife Swap” too. I heart that show.
They are definitely weird.
Oh, and the Anne Frank joke was the bomb!


Marinka October 17, 2009 at 5:44 pm

I was a little nervous about the Anne Frank joke. People get touchy about her.


elenka October 17, 2009 at 4:25 pm

Every once in a while we need a story like this…..It ain’t over yet….


Marinka October 17, 2009 at 5:35 pm

What a wonderful post! You are a genius. And very pretty!


Marinka October 17, 2009 at 5:35 pm

Very true! I am! But I’m too modest to make a separate post about it!


Beth October 18, 2009 at 6:23 pm

Say it like it is! I love your self-esteem.


Loukia October 17, 2009 at 6:09 pm

I’m so glad the boy was found and is okay because this post is just awesome! Seriously. I can laugh now. I was freaked out at first, just imagining how I’d feel if my child was floating away in a balloon… but I am glad you had a feeling that it was all going to turn out okay. These were hilarious, Marinka! Also – I want to know what you really think happened! Seriously… what a bizarre story, eh?


Denise October 18, 2009 at 9:44 am

Colorado is HUGE for the record. The time it would take you to get to three or four different states from NYC in a car, you’d still be in Colorado depending on the direction you are driving.

Can’t wait to see the charges that are pressed against the whack job, mr.heene. That’s on the docket for monday morning. Stay tuned.


Denise October 19, 2009 at 5:54 am

I also watched them on wifeswap. What a bunch of freaks. Can the father be any more disrespectful?! I wonder if their kids thank them for preparing dinner? I think not!


soccerMom October 19, 2009 at 10:42 am

I think their children should be taken away from them. What kind of “messed up” are they now, and how screwed up will they be continuing to live with parents like that. They are exactly the reasons why, not all ppl should be parents.


Jodi October 19, 2009 at 11:59 am

“If you name your kid FALCON, don’t be shocked if at some point he’s airborne. That’s why my kids have practical names like Playing Wii and Couch Potato.”

Seriously, that just about made me snort iced tea through my nose.


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