Updates from Mama and Papa

by Marinka on August 25, 2010

So we’re on our annual vacation on Block Island, and it’s a strictly no pets allowed type of situation, so before we left, I asked Mama and Papa if they would stop on by our apartment over the course of the week to feed and care for Nicki. As you know, Nicki is our beloved cat, and if she were human and related to us, we’d call her a family member.

Mama and Papa agreed, although after our ferry mishap and my subsequent decision never to set foot on that Poseidon Adventure freak show again, I had to call Mama and ask if she’d mind extending the “week” to “ten years or however the hell long cats live these days, feel free to cut back on the Fancy Feast, nudge nudge, wink, wink.”

Fortunately Mama and Papa were on board with this plan as well. Seriously, people, you have to train your parents so that shit like that just rolls off their backs.

But I’m not totally neglectful of Nicki, so I called Mama on Monday.


Mama: Nicki is ok–
Marinka: Mama, huge problem.
Mama: Yes, I know, ferry-
Marinka: Ferry shmerry. New problem. I’m reading a book and it’s about a murder and I’m on a secluded island, you see where I am going with this?
Mama: You are going to crazy? What kind of moron needs to take that death ferry to Block Island to kill you, when he can stay in Brooklyn like normal person and kill people in Brooklyn.
Marinka: Why Brooklyn? Why not Manhattan?
Mama: I don’t know, I think of killing and Brooklyn came to mind.

So, Day One, bottom line, Nicki is okay.

On Tuesday, papa called me.
“I’m at your apartment,” he said. “Nicki is fine. I found five quarters, and I’m taking them to do laundry, and I also found some cookies that I ate.”

So, Day Two, Nicki is fine. And papa is exhibiting some unfortunate senior “I see it/I take it” qualities.

On Wednesday, Mama called.

“I’m not at Nicki’s yet, because we had trauma,” she told me. Apparently, in the middle of the night, mama got up to use the bathroom. “Number one,” she clarified. And then, as she flushed the toilet, she saw something. So she quickly turned on the light, “just in the time to see my deodorant waving bye bye to me.”

“Who was waving?”
“My deodorant.”
“How does it wave?”
“Like a metaphor, while being flushed in toilet.”
“What are you talking about? How can deodorant get flushed down? Wouldn’t it get stuck?”
“That was miracle. It didn’t get stuck, it went down. Except now we can’t the flush toilet.”
“Why was it in the toilet?” I asked.
“Another mystery. Your father or Sly [ed. note: Sly= my parents’ cat. p.s. there is no “ed.”], but no one is confessing.”

Fortunately, mama called back later to say that Nicki was fine.

So, please don’t worry about Nicki. But say a prayer for my parents’ potty.

One year ago ...

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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

August 25, 2010 at 9:13 pm

My father just discovered collagen from Poland and is starting to sell it. He says it works on wrinkles, pimples, bug bites, tight jars, stubborn locks and plumbing. Last week my in-laws spent a night at my parent’s house and were sent home with a case of collagen. My dad has a good heart. Call me if you need a hook-up some collagen for plumbing to pimples – a cure for all.


marathonmom August 25, 2010 at 10:03 pm

I hate it when drama becomes trauma


August 25, 2010 at 10:08 pm

I love that while you are on vacation your home is now appropriately ‘Nicki’s place’, and how sweet of your mama to reassure you that no one will come kill you until you return to claim it.


Annie Coppock August 25, 2010 at 10:55 pm

Yep! It’s official! I’ve missed you more than I knew! You amuse me to no end! I’m relieved to think that murderers wouldn’t be crazy enough to take the vomit ferry to follow you on vacation!


Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him
August 25, 2010 at 11:11 pm

I grew up with a girl who had the most inadvertently hilarious Russian parents. Yours beat hers, though. Unfortunate see it/take it qualities, ha!

My parents would arrive the last day only and scatter toys and food like they’d been coming all along.


anna see August 25, 2010 at 11:15 pm

Sounds like Nikki is in good hands, although I’m sure she’ll miss you.


dusty earth mother August 25, 2010 at 11:47 pm

I enjoyed that Mama clarified “Number one” for your modest ears. And why are you reading books about murderers while you’re on an island??!!


the mama bird diaries
August 25, 2010 at 11:49 pm

So what is Nicki now using for deodorant?


Backpacking Dad August 26, 2010 at 1:26 am

Put the cat under the interrogation lights. He’ll crack.


Slow Panic
August 26, 2010 at 11:26 am

My kid flushed a Baby Bottle Pop when he was about 2:00.

We ended up replacing the toilet.


Harvard to Homemaker August 26, 2010 at 11:27 am

HA! Markina, I just started reading your blog thanks to our mutual friend Stacey and it makes my morning. Hilarious and throughly enjoyable, thank you!


August 26, 2010 at 4:53 pm

LOL!!! LOL!!!!


Deb August 26, 2010 at 6:14 pm

*Laugh* 🙂


Nadine August 26, 2010 at 7:11 pm

Is your Mama interrogating your Papa and Sly? I’m curious as to which one will crack. I’m betting the cat will confess.

PS Your blog and a cup of coffee – a perfect moment in time. (you should call the coffee companies; they should put it in their commercials! or tea. It works with tea too!)


Lindsey August 27, 2010 at 10:52 am

Love that it’s now Nicki’s place (or, maybe it’s always been like that)! whee.


August 27, 2010 at 11:45 am

Completely random, but has Ladrinka been reading Percy Jackson this summer too?


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