What Does Highest Priority Mean to You?

by Marinka on December 1, 2010

I’ve been feeling sad.

Very sad.

I haven’t wanted to worry you, but my computer is broken.

I was working on it over the Thanksgiving weekend, giving thanks for it working, when suddenly I got a notification that there was a Trojan Horse on the premises.  It looked like a very alarming kind of notification.

So I turned off the computer and took a nap.

And when I woke up, cranky and anxious, because I have yet to take a mid-day nap that leaves me feeling refreshed and relaxed, I turned the computer back on and the Trojan Horse was still there.  Plus it was joined with some sort of an invitation to run a program that would get rid of the Trojan Horse.

I consulted Husbandrinka.

“Yeah, that’s a virus,” he explained.  Which was great, because I was concerned that it was an equestrian event.

“Do I click on this thingamagiggy?” I asked, always eager to learn.

“Yeah, you either click on it or you don’t, because that may activate the virus.”

“I’m getting a mixed message,” I confessed. For I am of a weaker sex and often feel confused.

Finally, I ended up giving Papa my laptop because he knows a guy who’d once seen a computer or something.  What’s a little unsettling is that this was over the weekend and now it’s almost the end of the week and although I’d spoken to Papa many, many times since then and exchanged numerous emails  with him, he has not once made a peep about my computer.

Based on past experience I can only assume that he is waiting for  a few more days to pass and then announce that my computer went to live on a farm or something.

So I have to share the computer with the kids.  Except Young Ladrinka is the only one who doesn’t have a laptop, so that means that he and I have to share the computer.  And he is pretty much the last person that I want to share the computer with because he is constantly in a middle of some life-saving Moshi Monster game or, my favorite, watching videos of other people opening packs of Pokemon cards on You Tube.

I’m not even kidding.  What the fuck.

So he’s watching some moron narrate the Pokemon cards, and there I am, all hand-wringy, saying, “Please, Young Master.  I must write my masterpiece, if you don’t mind.”

I’m thinking it’s time to update A Room of One’s Own to a Laptop of One’s Own.  Because who the hell can afford a room in this market?

Wait, I’m not done.

So I tell Wendi about the Tragedy of the Trojan Horse and she makes some kind of high-brow liberal elitist Helen of Troy joke and I’m about to place her on Friendship Probation, but frankly, I don’t want to give her the satisfaction.  I ignore it.

But a few days later, Wendi just can’t help herself.  Completely unsolicited and with malice and forethought she emails me to tell me how much she loves, adores (and probably sodomizes) her Mac Book Pro and how divine it is.

Look, despite my goddess-like appearance (say a word about Buddha, and I’ll be on probation myself, if you get my drift), I’m a human being.

Made of flesh and bones.  And bile.  Tons of bile. (Ok, when I wrote this, I thought that bile was associated with jealousy. But apparently it’s not.  So I have to make a parenthetical comment that by bile, I mean jealousy. GOD! Why can’t anything go my way?!)

So I became super jealous and lashed out at Wendi and placed her on Friendship Probation again because she has a laptop and I don’t. Whatever.

But then I calmed down.

Because maybe it wasn’t Wendi’s fault.  (The investigation is still pending.)

I let logic win.  I bet my jealousy could be cured if I got a laptop too!

And I knew just how to do it.

I created a Wish List on Amazon!  Have you tried it?  It’s fantastic.

I put in the Mac Book and then I threw on the iPad, in case some cheapo didn’t want to spring for the laptop itself.


Then I specified the level of urgency with with I wished to receive the items.

What could be simpler?

I saved my list and waited.

And I waited.

And waited.

It has now been several hours and I still have not received notification that my wish list items have shipped.

I don’t understand what the purpose of marking my wish “priority highest” is if it doesn’t expedite the process.

What if, God forbid, I needed oxygen?

Do you think Amazon is broken?

Or does Jesus hate me?

One year ago ...

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{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }

December 1, 2010 at 10:57 pm

I got a new laptop a couple months ago and I love it, but for some reason I”m not blogging much. I expected a spike in post production. I bet it’s because I’m a PC and not a Macbook Pro.


Ann's Rants
December 1, 2010 at 11:21 pm

Time to unionize, dammit. You call these working conditions?


annie December 1, 2010 at 11:29 pm

I just got notification that mine shipped. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t supposed to go to you instead but just in case, I shall call it Marinka and she will keep my company in the middle of the night when you fail to entertain me.


December 2, 2010 at 12:53 am

Gosh !! just when you had the greatest thing in the world to write !! 😀 have a great season !! Also Macbook Pro is SO the way to go 😀


December 2, 2010 at 1:06 am

I’m awaiting “awesome dude” and his response on this situation.

He’ll let us know..

meanwhile, sharing the computer with little kids. Enough to make anyone go crazy.


Mwa (Lost in Translation) December 2, 2010 at 4:51 am

Excellent idea! I obviously had the wrong idea putting stuff like books on there. Perhaps if I put a holiday to the sun on there I’d be out of this snow by tomorrow. Thanks for the idea!


karengreeners December 2, 2010 at 8:56 am

Laughing, laughing, laughing. I don’t care if Jesus hates you, because it makes you funny.


dusty earth mother December 2, 2010 at 9:22 am

Just so you know, Papa gave me your computer. Apparently he thinks that Hoboken has a lot of farms.


December 2, 2010 at 9:49 am

I was going to leave a long comment discussing your neediness, but I need to go rub my MacBook Pro all over my naked body right now.


Marinka December 2, 2010 at 9:50 am

I hope you infect each other with a virus.


December 2, 2010 at 12:13 pm

Doesn’t Wendi’s husband work for HP? And now she has a Mac? I think that tells us everything we need to know about Wendi.


December 2, 2010 at 6:21 pm

Wendi? Be very careful. I was on friendship probation once. It was the longest two and a half hours of my life.

**This comment paid for by Marinka’s Minion Group. Or MMG for short.


December 2, 2010 at 9:56 am

That’s just insanity. Why should you have to wait so long?!


December 2, 2010 at 10:00 am

Even the Nazis had computers. How can you be expected to work like this (although, to be fair, they only had IBM.)

sent from my (working) Macbook Pro


joeinvegas December 2, 2010 at 11:08 am

I think it might be because you don’t believe in Santa.


December 2, 2010 at 12:06 pm

So do you blame Wendi or Amazon? Amazon has been fucking up a lot lately soooo…..


CSY December 2, 2010 at 1:20 pm

Of course its all Wendi’s fault! She’s in cahoots with Papa to take your laptop to the ‘farm’ because she’s all jealous of your AWESOME posts!

*NOTE TO WENDI: I’m just trying to make her feel better – PLEASE don’t send Chuck Norris to kick my ass – since he’s an honorary Texas Ranger and all now…


Kimberly December 2, 2010 at 2:04 pm

You are a better person than me. I won’t share the computer with step daughter because she picks her nose.


Amanda December 2, 2010 at 3:42 pm

Shame on Amazon! That is terrible customer service, we must boycott now.


awesome dude December 2, 2010 at 5:42 pm

MOst likely Jesus has better people to love….and the computer will be back live on Saturday after Shabos.

It also helps to to have antyvirus software installed after the time of acqusition.

The technician spent good 3 hours trying to fix it.

All the data will be lost but the prognosis is good also it may remain a vegetable.

Happy Holidays to everybody.


December 2, 2010 at 6:23 pm

You should just admit that you got the Condom virus. We all know it. What were you looking at anyway???

My laptop battery won’t hold a charge. At all. Even when plugged in. It seems to have mis-understood it’s job description. So basically I have a really nice floor decoration.


December 2, 2010 at 7:28 pm

As your truest-of-the-true friend who is not (to my knowledge) on probation (or dead to you. Anymore.), I want you to know that I carved this comment in stone and had Moses schlep it to a Staples where he scanned it into their computer and posted it. My hot little fingers never (never, I say) touched a laptop.

(Seriously, I would be in agony if I were you. The closest I’ve come to something like that was crashing my blog and thinking I had lost every post I had ever written.)


the mama bird diaries
December 2, 2010 at 9:05 pm

oh my god, i love my mac laptop. And i hate horses.


traci December 3, 2010 at 7:15 am

I put both of my kids of Child Probation for bad mouthing my Mac Book Pro.


December 3, 2010 at 4:09 pm

the whole sodomy of the mac was hilarious. this is all.


December 3, 2010 at 4:09 pm

but alas. that was not all. i forgot to ask. how would you sodomize a mac? on a pc for sure you’d do it right in the cd rom thing. but macs are all fancy and dont have those


December 3, 2010 at 4:11 pm

shit balls! i wasn’t done. why do i keep pushing submit?

anyway i wanted to say that im not wondering where you sodomize a mac because i want to do that or anything because i don’t have. i just get down old fashioned with my hp pc


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