From the monthly archives:

January 2009

Another fucking cat post!

by Marinka on January 30, 2009

So, today (or The Day Which Shall Live on in Infamy, as Husbandrinka calls it, because you know, that’s catchier than “Saturday”) is the day that we all are going to the shelter to adopt a kitten.  By “we all” I mean Husbandrinka, the kids, my parents and I, not everyone who reads this blog.  Boundaries, people.

The preparations have not going well.

Last weekend the kids and I went back to PETCO to get “the basic necessities” which, according to me, were a litter box, a food bowl and a litter scooper and according to the kids were a scratching post, a $250 “kitty home” that if the economy gets much worse I could move into and a collar that spelled out  ‘N heat! in rhinestones. After an animated discussion that had a PETCO employee with her Lee Press-on Nail finger on the security button, we agreed to “revisit” the issue of their necessities at home with daddy as the “tie breaker”. Seriously, sometimes these kids are such suckers.

Husbandrinka still hasn’t embraced our expanding family.  He’s been sighing deeply all week and making comments like, “Our peaceful lives will be over soon.”  Peaceful lives? Ok, I was less than a mile from Ground Zero on September 11th and I ride the NYC subways every day, while he’s at a Zen retreat, apparently.  Then my daughter starts with the whole “we have to interview veterinarians”crap. I don’t know if people do this where you live, but in NYC parents interview pediatricians before their kids are hatched. I’m not kidding. So you’re all pregnant, and you’re sitting there talking to the pediatrician about your hypothetical issues with the child to see if you “mesh”.   If I were a pediatrician, I’d hire professional actors to do those sessions in my place, because I don’t understand  how a normal person be expected to put up with that crap.
So my daughter has the idea that we should interview veterinarians in the same way. On the one hand, I love the idea, because, hey, free time-killing activity with the kids! But on the other hand, I’m not certifiably insane, so I pull the plug on that.  
“We’re going to get a vet upstate,” I tell her, referring to the area where my parents have a dacha.  Because it’s cheaper there than in NYC.
“WHAT?” she nearly faints, “We need someone close by in case the cat has a health emergency.”
Can you guess who was close by when she said “cat has a health emergency”?
Husbandrinka has been very cranky about it.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d think that he was planning on putting the cat on his back and doing the twelve stations of the cat, I mean, cross, with it.
So here we are.
By Saturday night, we should be cat parents.
There will be a lot of work to be done–litter box training, petting and fussing.
But Husbandrinka and the kids are going to be in charge of that.  Because I’m going out with some fabulous blogging friends!


Not Your Father’s Circumcision

by Marinka on January 29, 2009

I think that if you have your son circumcised at birth, you are making a huge mistake and are giving up a fantastic discipline tool for no good reason. I’m sorry, I know that the truth hurts. As do circumcisions, especially when performed later on in life. Which is what, and I apologize in advance for ending the sentence in a preposition, I am getting to.

So the mommy blogosphere has been abuzz lately with the circumcision debate. To cut or not to cut, that is the question. It went from Dooce to Momversation to (my favorite) Finslippy to Her Bad Mother and let me tell you, it’s fucking exhausting. The moral chest pounding is deafening. I was half expecting The Bloggess to weigh in with foreskin fashions or something.

It’s either a really bad idea to get a circumcision or a fantastic one, depending on many factors that you can discuss ad nauseam, but that basically narrow down to “I’m right and you’re a moron and possibly a child abuser.” I’m paraphrasing, of course.

Fortunately, I can offer some guidance on the issue:

I didn’t circumcise my son, but I threaten to, when necessary.

“What’s that? You don’t want to take out the garbage? Let me just dial Bris-on-the-Run!”

“Please put your clothes away! No? Hello, Foreskin-be-Gone!”

Ask yourself–why would you give up such an important discipline tool so early in your child’s life. I mean, you wouldn’t give your kid a car at birth, would you? No, you’d wait until your child “earned” it, by showing responsibility, and you know, getting a driver’s license. Same thing with circumcision. Get it at birth and you can never threaten it again. Not unless you want to appear like some kind of whack job.
Think about it. Perhaps there are circumcision-reversal services that can help if you didn’t wait for my wisdom in the first place.
Your son will thank you for it. And so will America.
* * *
And now to lighten the mood, I will share the song that my son has been singing non-fucking stop all week, in the hopes that you will sing it all week and I will thereby be released from its grasp:

We will
We will
Rock You!
Sock You!
Drop You!

Flush you down the toilet, See if you enjoy it!

We will
We will
Rock you!


Whine Factor

January 27, 2009

Ok, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that Le Shallow Gal and I started a new blog, called Secret Spineless Whine. We were inspired by Secret Tweet and PostSecret, websites that allow you to share your secrets, anonymously, with the world. They do a great service, but we’re not about […]

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Comment Policy

January 26, 2009

I never understood bloggers who have a “comment policy”, telling readers what kind of comments are acceptable and not. I mean, who cares? People are reading, they care enough to comment and unless Jodi Picoult is leaving snippets of her writing in your comment box, it’s all good, right? (Note to self: I can’t get […]

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The Date was Blind, Unfortunately I Wasn’t

January 25, 2009

This weekend, I read Tucker Max’s book–I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.  He also has a website and is a self-proclaimed asshole.  The thing about people who admit to being assholes is that they very rarely underestimate themselves.  But he is an excellent writer and hysterical and I’ll take asshole over dullard any day. […]

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Good To Know

January 25, 2009

So apparently when you’re talking to a friend and make an innocent suggestion, like “maybe you should consider some psychotropic medication” and she says, “Yes, but won’t it affect my real personality so that I won’t really be me?” and you say, “I wouldn’t be too worried about that if I were you”, it gets […]

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Kats! (Part 2)

January 22, 2009

UPDATE: Wendi was kind enough to email me this offer. What do you guys think? Want to know where part one is? Yeah, I want to know why you didn’t read it when I first posted it, so I guess we’re even.Anyway.This week my mama and the kids go to Petco to “look” at cats. […]

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Cat Adoption is Not for For Pussies (New EZ to Read Format!)

January 22, 2009

2 years ago, Marinka wanted a cat. “Husbandrinka, I want a cat!” Husbandrinka did not want a cat. “No cats.” Marinka had to develop a strategy. “I will be turning 40 next month and I want a cat!” she told Husbandrinka.Husbandrinka gave her a ring with sapphires.“Fuck the cat!” Marinka thought.Then Marinka changed her mind.“I […]

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