From the monthly archives:

October 2009

Under the Radar. And Possibly on the Down-low

by Marinka on October 31, 2009

Saturday is the weekend when no one really reads blogs, probably because they’re all Orthodox Jews.  Which makes Saturday the perfect day to post things that make me somewhat uncomfortable, things that I do not think will get a lot of attention.  And possibly to confess to a few drive-by shootings.

But that’ll come later.

Today, I wanted to tell you something that I did yesterday, something that still  really bothers me.

My 8 year old son has a fucking annoying habit of speaking in a high pitched voice.  He does it for fun and there are times when I think that I can actually hear my skull fracturing as a result.  But when he adds a semi-butterfly dance to it, fluttering his hands and sort of prancing, I totally lose my shit.  And I did yesterday.

I’ve asked him not to do it before, because it is annoying, but he does it every morning.  He thinks it’s funny. He probably thinks that my being so annoyed by it is funny.

And I wanted him to stop. And I did it by saying, “when you do that, it looks really gay.”

Yes, in 2009, in NYC, in Greenwich Village, I told my son that a bit of playacting made him look gay.  To be fair, if this is about fairness, I did not use “gay” as a synonym for “stupid”, as so many teenagers do.  No, I meant that it made him look homosexual.

I am trying hard to avoid a Jim Baker-like crying fiasco where I ask people, including my son, for forgiveness.  But his reaction haunts me.

He stopped. And he became serious.  Like the Wii-is-broken serious.

“I am not gay,” he said.

“There is nothing wrong with being gay,” I told him.  Even though a mere two minutes earlier I implied the exact opposite.

“I know,” he said. “But doing that doesn’t make me gay.”

I swear this isn’t a mea culpa.  It’s more than that.  It’s my trying to figure out why I said what I did, how I knew that saying that something “looked gay” would be the perfect way to get him to stop doing it.

I told John and he went to his desk and emailed me a “I can no longer be your fag and I’ve alerted headquarters” letter.

I emailed another friend and he suggested several interesting and rather kind possibilities for my reaction.

But I’m struggling with it.

When I was in my 20s, I read Edmund White’s The Beautiful Room is Empty.  It is maddening when people say “this book changed my life” (especially when the book was written by Nora Roberts) but that book reminds me of the unknown struggle that so many teenagers, coming to terms with their sexuality, face.  It’s sobering.  I think about that book frequently, and I feel like I betrayed its spirit.

I’ve often said that I didn’t care if my children grew up to be gay, so long as they were happy.  And I still believe that to be true.

But if it’s true, why did I, in a moment of irritation, say “it looks really gay”?


At Least I’m Not Paying For It

by Marinka on October 29, 2009

So the other day, I’m hanging out in front of St. Patrick’s, and not just because H&M is across the street and I see this:

These are NYPD.  New York's finest.  On horseback. Just so you know.

These are NYPD. New York's finest. On horseback. Just so you know.

And first I think, aww! blondes have the same amount of fun as brunettes! And then I look closer and I’m all like, “who does that bitch’s color because I can tell you this much, she ain’t no Bergdorf Blonde.”  Because that’s how I talk to myself when standing in front of St. Patrick’s. And contemplating a ho-over shopping spree at H&M.  And then, because it always takes two sentences max for me to refocus on myself, I get depressed about my hair.  Because my dye jobs haven’t been fantastic lately. And if you pay fantastic, you want fantastic.    So I have to break up with my gay.  Which is hard, because, no  joke, I’ve known him longer than I’ve known Husbandrinka.  Unless I’ve known Husbandrinka longer. But I don’t want to look like that horse on the right. (Although to be fair, I also don’t want to look like the horse on the left, who seems to have some sort of running injury).

So this is what I’m doing. I signed up to be a hair model for a super-prominent salon.  You sign up on line, give them all your information, upload a photo, and viola! They call you with an appointment and some students practice on you. (Unless what they do is kidnap you and sell your organs, in which case this blog may be on hiatus. And stay away from any black market livers you may find on line).   This way, even though I’m cheating on my colorist, at least I’m not paying for it.  I’ll let you know how it turns out.  Prepare yourselves for a cautionary tale.  I may be on duty in front of St. Patrick’s, if I’m lucky.


Have you checked out The Mouthy Housewives?  I’m there every week? And so are Wendi, Kelcey, Heather and Jessica!  Come visit us!


Brow Beating

October 28, 2009

I’ve hesitated about today’s post because it sounds unbelievable.  And in light of some people lying on their blogs, I fear that we’re all suspect.  But I’m hoping you realize that if I were going to lie, I would lie about something more important.  Like an alien abduction.  Of my crock pot. Mama  telephoned me […]

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Nicki, Recovering

October 27, 2009

Nicki is recovering from her illness and I’ve been overwhelmed by your response.  Although, to be fair, I get overwhelmed really easily. For those without bionic vision that is apparently required to look at the photographs that I put up and couldn’t see the vet bill on the last post, it’s $627.93. So yesterday afternoon, […]

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October 26, 2009

Yesterday, Husbandrinka and I celebrated 12 years of happiness. He doesn’t read my blog, so I don’t have to do a tribute to him on here, but I think we can all agree that he is some kind of a saint for putting up with me. So instead of heaping praise on him, I watched […]

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Watch This Space

October 26, 2009

I have a new post all ready to go, but due to WordPress’ anti-Semitism, I am having rotational issues with a photograph.  So while I wait for emergency crews to arrive, I’ll do something that I don’t normally do. I’ll tell you about a dream I had last week.  Don’t worry, it’ll be short. I […]

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Double Header

October 24, 2009

I’m worried about my header. What’s more, I’ve been worried about my header since last summer, but I haven’t wanted to worry you about it.  But I’m tired of bearing all the stress on my own, so here it goes. See, last spring I wanted to spruce up my header and make it more New […]

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Letter Writing Tips for My Husband’s Future Mistress

October 22, 2009

Yesterday, the New York Post printed a letter from Brooke, who’s in her 20s, and already having sex with a married man!  Apparently, Brooke wrote a letter to Steve Phillips’ wife telling her about the affair that she’s been having with Steve.  (I had no idea who Steve is, but apparently he was the general […]

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