From the monthly archives:

November 2012

Other People

by Marinka on November 30, 2012

I’ve had a fucker of a week. Nothing terrible, knock wood, but just so many trying things. Like not being able to make my schedule work, having to rely on my parents more than usual to help me with things at home while I am doing other things outside of home.

And then the whole Other People thing. Other people can be so taxing. Like my son has a tutor who has been working with him since September. And I’m not sure about the Tutor. Because on the one hand, he’s helping my kid, so that’s great, but on the other hand, whenever he explains to me what they’re doing, I don’t really understand it. And he speaks in English, so it’s not a language barrier, but it’s the kind of explanation where I zone out immediately. It’s filled with paradigm and context and some other wordicles.

So generally speaking they go over some of Young Ladrinka’s homework assignments and discuss essay structure and things like thesis sentence and zzzzzz, but this past week, instead of doing homework, they discussed ways in which Young Ladrinka could do his homework more efficiently.

From what I understand, the Tutor asked Young Ladrinka if he had any distractions when he was doing his homework, because those are apparently not good for homework concentration, and I imagine that Young Ladrinka sighed heavily and confessed that yes, yes, he did have a few distractions, thank goodness someone noticed and the Tutor probably leaned in and said “you can tell me.”

And Young Ladrinka did. Because the thing that has been standing between him and a Rhodes Scholarship is, ready? The fact that his mother yells at people all the time and it’s really distracting. WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THAT?

So first of all, this is pure and unadulterated bullshit and a defamatory lie. My people are drafting papers against Young Ladrinka as I type. Second of all, how does that work, exactly? Am I yelling at people who are inside the apartment, which at the most is my daughter and Husbandrinka, or am I leaning out the 11th floor window, yelling at passersby like a loon? (By the way I’m using loon here as short for lunatic, not to refer to birds, who may or may not yell at passersby.)

And what does the Tutor do with this information? Instead of saying “honor thy mother, fool!” he probably nods sympathetically and suggests, ready for this? He suggests that Young Ladrinka get a whiteboard, hang it outside his door and write “Shh! I’m studying!” on it.

This is pure madness.

Because if I were the sort of person to yell at people, I would not canvas the whole apartment in advance of my yelling session to make sure no one had a prohibition against unnecessary noise posted on their door.

Fortunately Young Ladrinka had other items on his list of things that are interfering with his academic development. Like the fact that he is always hungry, and it’s so hard, so very hard, to concentrate when one’s stomach is empty. And the Tutor suggested that he talk to Mom about delicious and nutritious brain-power boosting snacks.

I’m lucky Children’s Services haven’t stopped by yet. Although it’s possible they did and I just didn’t hear them knocking over all my yelling.

And the crazy thing is, this isn’t even the story I was going to tell you today. But I had to get that one out. As fucking prologue.

Now, shhh! Young Ladrinka is studying.


I’m Right, You’re Wrong: Is This Annoying?

by Marinka on November 27, 2012

Usually I don’t need help in deciding if something is annoying or not, because OBVIOUSLY everything is super annoying (related: everyone is also out to get me), but lately I haven’t been myself (although, bad news, I also haven’t been Angelina Jolie) and need some help getting my bearings. So I need your help in helping me decide if something that someone has been doing lately is annoying or super-annoying. Sorry, I mean, if it’s annoying or not annoying. Lives and bond applications and a career as a Snapped star hang in the balance, so I’d appreciate your honestly.

As always with I’m Right, You’re Wrong, I don’t tell you which party to the disagreement holds what position, so that you can judge the situation on its merits and not on the fact that I am your favorite.

Here we go!

Dilemma: Is it annoying when one party to a marital relationship, suddenly and for no good reason, starts walking around the apartment while brushing his/her teeth? For example said party may walk to the dresser to check his/her smartphone, all the while brushing, or watch the news on TV. Then that party, walks back to the bathroom sink, rinses, and gets some Listerine in his/her mouth and proceeds to circle the apartment again.

Disagreers: Marinka and Husbandrinka

Position One: Multi-tasking. Saves time.

Position Two: Nails on chalkboard have become so cliche, and this is a fun substitute. So. Annoying.

What do you think?

No pressure!

UPDATE: Thank you for everyone who answered or tried to send me a telepathic message. As you may have guessed, I’m in the annoying category. Hmm, it’s entirely possible that I need to reword that sentence. But my beloved Husbandrinka has recently started regarding teeth-brushing as a moveable feast, much like Paris, and walks around the apartment brushing his teeth. Over the festive holiday weekend I told him that I was going to ask the people who read my blog if it was annoying or not and he said, after spitting, “and ask them if it’s annoying when someone talks to you while you’re brushing your teeth, too” which makes me think that he and Dad’s Primal Scream are on the same wavelength.


Kids Today

November 24, 2012

My 11 year old son has been Skyping with some girls in his class, even though I’m sitting right here, happy to tell him stories about my childhood and give him advice about how to best live his life. And after one session that lasted approximately forever, I tried to talk to him about it. […]

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Scent of a Woman

November 20, 2012

I hate talking on the phone. I hate it. I hate it for many reasons, one of which is that I am bad at ending the conversation, which I want to do as soon as the phone rings, and another is that even if I’m answering the phone mid-brain surgery, if the person calling me […]

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November 18, 2012

As some of you know, I’m in a cult. Well, what I mean is I get together with a group of women and we play mah jongg for hours and hours, but cult has a certain ring to it. And the other night we were playing with a new recruit and she suddenly looked at […]

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November 14, 2012

Last month I had dinner with Stacy and she looked more beautiful than ever. Generally speaking, I prefer my friends to maintain a steady level of beauty and not surpass it because who needs to deal with Excessive Glamour, but whatever. “What the fuck is going on with you?” I asked. And she told me […]

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Drinking, a Blog Story

November 11, 2012

I am trying something new. I have no idea if it’ll work. I’m trying to be more genuine on my blog, STOP ROLLING YOUR EYES, and write about what’s on my mind and in my heart and in various other organs, even if it isn’t funny. This is Part One of the story of my […]

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Note to Self

November 9, 2012

When you write a wrist-slasher of a post, keep in mind that people who know you in real life will call you and/or email you and ask you if you’re ok and if there is anything they can do to help. And it’ll be awkward but don’t be so hasty with the “oh no, I’m […]

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