From the monthly archives:

January 2014


by Marinka on January 29, 2014

The other day I was thinking about how lucky I am.

I was thinking this because I was looking in the mirror and my hair was so blonde, so bouncy, so perfectly Breck girl, that I felt sorry for atheists. Because here was proof of the divine wonders and they were just too stubborn to see it. What is in their hearts, I wondered. When would they open their eyes and let the Lord in? In to their hearts, which I guess would also need to be open, much like the previously mentioned eyes.

Anyway, my hair looked great. Good Hair Day didn’t quite do it justice, it was more like a Perfect Hair Day in the First Degree. I marveled at my reflection in the mirror, tossed a strand or two back and laughed. Life was good. So very, very good.

A few hours later, I met one of my progeny at the salon for a hair check. For some reason, this progeny suspected lice. And the reason was visual.

“I am sure it is a false alarm,” I tossed my hair back and settled in to read my Kindle. I was reading Of Mice and Men and couldn’t wait to learn more about Lennie’s adventures! It seemed like he was destined for some excitement! I was glued to my Kindle. Glued, I tell you!

“We have a live one!” the hair check specialist checking my kid’s hair exclaimed. And then said something technical, like “Code Lice.”

“Oh?” I looked up from my Kindle. Lennie is so strong, a real Depression Era Marlboro Man! I saw a real future for us.

The lice checking lady nodded. “Do you want us to check you?”

I laughed. “Me? Why would you want to check me?”

I asked, but I sort of knew. My hair, being so bouncy and beautiful, drew admirers from far and wide. I was a little stunned that Lennie didn’t reach for it through the Kindle and barriers of fiction.

“To see if you have lice,” was the official story.

“That will not be necessary,” I reassured them. I mean, I get it. When you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail. But come on. I am practically a hair model, I think I would know through hair intuition if I had lice.

Besides, when they do the lice check they put all this cream in your hair and ugh. It’s impossible for hair to be bouncy and lovely with it.

“We can do a dry check,” the lady said and I agreed. I’m a giver.

“Yeah, you have lice,” she said after looking for 3.9 seconds.

“I don’t know how you could possibly have made an identification so quickly,” I filed a complaint. “Shouldn’t there be some sort of a DNA analysis and lawyers involved?”

But she started to spread the cream all over my head. And I sat there for hours while she combed out the lice, the nits, and the memories of my perfect bouncy hair.

At least I still had Lennie. I can’t wait to see how that turns out!


I’m Right, You’re Wrong: XOXO

by Marinka on January 25, 2014

It’s finally time for another installment of I’m Right, You’re Wrong, where I use the internet to work out disputes with loved ones. Because I can’t get on the Jerry Springer Show.

The rules are that I will present you with a dispute, but anonymously, so as not to influence you to agree with my position and shun the other one, and then you weigh in. Ready? (Oh right, on the internet, no one can hear you screen and/or say “yes, I’m ready!”)

Dilemma: In the common sign-off, XOXO, does X= kiss and O= hug, or vice versa? (BTW, I just came up with a name for a hit TV show: Miami Vice Versa.)

Disagreers: Marinka and Some people who are wrong.

Position One: X is a kiss because when you kiss, your lips make an X and when you hug, you arms make a circle.

Position Two: X is a hug because the saying is “hugs and kisses” not “kisses and hugs”.

What do you think? Is it obvious that there is an answer, or is this question just one of many that you haven’t considered in your life?

To assist with this dilemma, I did some research, which I think is really helpful:

XOXO or hugs and kisses, a way to express affection (either x’s or o’s may represent kisses or hugs)

Please weigh in!




Learning English

January 22, 2014

I went to the dacha this past weekend with my parents and my mother’s sister, who is visiting from Russia. She has been taking English classes in St. Petersburg so we were excited to practice the language with her. Unfortunately, shortly after her plane landed, she took a vow of silence where English was concerned […]

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January 16, 2014

Recently I told a friend of mine that I will be single soon and because she knows George Clooney, I asked if she would introduce us. This is called “keeping your options open.” “Of course,” she said so quickly that I had to assume that Clooney had been on a decades-long campaign badgering her left […]

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As I Lay Dying

January 10, 2014

Hey, does anyone know if that title is taken? I just looked it up on Wikipedia and learned this about As I Lay Dying (which I had been forced to read in high school, As I Sat in Class Dying): “Faulkner said that he wrote the novel from midnight to 4:00 AM over the course […]

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Of Teeth and Blogs and Life

January 6, 2014

Yesterday, my son pulled out a loose tooth and when he came out I momentarily thought that he had the lead role in the oral remake of Carrie. “What’s with all the blood?” I shrieked because unlike vampires, I’m not really into blood. “I pulled my tooth out,” he told me. And then he handed […]

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