The Photograph, the Fight and the Bear

by Marinka on July 11, 2010

Last Sunday evening, when we were all at the dacha, mama and Husbandrinka had a fight. As with many fights that involve Husbandrinka, he had no idea that he was in the middle of one.

We were all sitting on the porch, enjoying the cooling summer evening. It was the Fourth of July, my daughter had turned 12, we were festive and full and happy and relaxed and mama suggested that we take a family photo. Husbandrinka’s parents were there, too, after health worries prevented their coming up last year.  What could be better than a family photo?

Except Husbandrinka said “no, let’s do it tomorrow.”  A casual comment, something about the light being better in the morning, but it cut to the heart of my mother’s happiness and everything was ruined.  And while Husbandrinka went to play baseball with the kids on the lawn, mama told me that although the absolute last thing she wants is any discord between me and Husbandrinka, she is very upset and insulted and many other Shakespearean adjectives by his not posing for photographs at the moment that she suggested it.

My father-in-law tried to lighten the mood by telling us that he can now get out of his fancy red t-shirt and put on a more casual white one, since he won’t need to be photographed.

Because I am not a moron, I immediately took mama’s side.  Look, if one person is raving and ranting their pain and the other one is throwing a baseball around in a state of blissful ignorance, who are you going to side with?

The following morning, papa and I were sitting on the deck, reading. Suddenly, I looked up and saw a giant black bear staring at me.  He was not on the deck, which is the reason that I am not now typing these words from the cardiac unit of a local hospital, but he was in eye-contact distance from me.

“OH. MY GOD! BEAR!” I screamed as I leaped to my feet. “Everyone leave the deck!” I suggested as I ran inside, shoving everyone out of my way.  Survival of the fittest, you know.  (Or at least of the shoviest.)

Once inside, the excitement was in full swing.

“I need to take a picture!” my daughter screamed as she ran to  grab her camera.  (And take a picture she did.  Of her hand).

“His head is huge!” my mother-in-law was in on the excitement.

Suddenly, my father-in-law appeared.

He was wearing the red fancy t-shirt.

“I’m ready!” he announced.

Because when he heard all the commotion and talk about pictures,  he assumed that it was time for our photo shoot.

“We should have asked bear to take family picture,” papa said.

Unfortunately, we didn’t think of it and he ran off.

Maybe next time.

One year ago ...

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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Alex@LateEnough
Twitter:
July 11, 2010 at 9:33 pm

This is so funny that I have no funny comment. It sucked the funny right out of the room. In a good way.

Reply

anna see July 11, 2010 at 10:03 pm

Ha! I think having the bear photograph you was an excellent idea. Maybe next year.

Reply

Coco
Twitter:
July 11, 2010 at 10:55 pm

I would not want to be on Mama’s bad side. Ever. I have to feel sorry for husbandrinka if she decides to rip him a new one. He won’t stand a chance.

Reply

dusty earth mother July 11, 2010 at 11:04 pm

I particularly like “survival of the shoviest”. That’s my kind of natural selection.

Reply

sarah July 12, 2010 at 1:18 am

“Survival of the shoviest” is the funniest thing I have read in days! What a great story!

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Wendi
Twitter:
July 12, 2010 at 8:00 am

Please post the picture of the hand.

Reply

Pauline
Twitter:
July 12, 2010 at 9:12 am

Screw writing a book. You guys need your own TV show.

Reply

GrandeMocha
Twitter:
July 12, 2010 at 2:16 pm

I love Papa’s “We should have asked bear to take family picture.” He is so funny!

Reply

Jeanne July 12, 2010 at 9:05 pm

Sounds like the bear was smart enough to stay out of the middle of the fight!

Reply

Kate Coveny Hood
Twitter:
July 13, 2010 at 4:26 am

Totally hilarious. I rarely insist on reading funny post aloud to my husband since I know he only pretends to listen. But every once in a while I make him listen to one of yours and even he agrees that it’s funny (and not just in a vague, “uh huh, uh huh…can I go back to my boring History channel program now?” way). This was one of my favorites. Love the red tee shirt.

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Melanie July 14, 2010 at 10:11 am

That is hilarious! Men can be so oblivious sometimes.

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